• Success Or Failure Depends On This One Critical Distinction


     

    Abstract:
     

    Have you ever pursued a goal – a course of study, or a course or training, maybe even a career or a relationship – with enormous dedication and discipline, only to run out of steam halfway through? Or perhaps you realised that it wasn’t what you truly wanted? It can be disheartening, to say the least.
     

    Now obviously, you learn and grow from anything you strive for. Your time and effort are never truly wasted. Still, you’d prefer using your energy to pursue a goal that’s truly “you”, wouldn’t you?
     

    Here’s a surefire way to find out.
     
     

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    Sucess or failure?

     

    When I feel stuck, or things aren’t going right, I respond with a surge in energy. I come up with a ton of creative new goals, new dreams, you name it. The problem is, that goals created in these circumstances rarely reflect what I really want.
     

    Many years ago, my coach taught me a wise question to ask when setting goals: “Am I moving towards, or away from something?” If you’re setting a goal just to escape from something, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
     

    Success or failure
    Photo by rawpixel on unsplash.com

     

    Push or pull?

     

    Obviously, wanting to get out of a bad situation isn’t a bad thing. However, it’s a good idea to postpone setting major life goals until the time when you’ve sorted out your issues.
     

    First, set short-term goals designed to alleviate your situation. Hate your job? Create an exit strategy to a more bearable one. Relationship going nowhere? Get couple counselling or get out.
     

    Once you’re no longer suffering, no longer feel the need to move away from something, you can ask yourself what you’d like to move towards. Now’s the time for goal setting and dreaming big. Base it on your desires, your passion, and your skills – on what you want, rather than what you’d like to avoid.

  • 3 Ways To Gain Control Over Your Life


     

    Abstract:
     

    Have you ever felt out of control? A lot of women feel that way when they just had a baby. Or maybe there’s something you’ve wanted to do for ages, but never got started on.
     

    I’d like to show you three ways to take back the reins and gain control over your life.
     
     

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    1. Sort the wheat from the chaff

     

    Take a good look at your life and simplify as much as you can. If you feel out of control, chances are you have too much going on anyway, so chuck everything that’s not absolutely vital.
     

    Club memberships, social obligations, “friends” that have long turned into a drain on your energy – it’s time to break it off. You’re not responsible for other people’s happiness; your priority is you, and then your loved ones, in that order.
     
     

    2. The magic of action

     

    Marie Forleo always says that clarity doesn’t come from thought, it comes from action. Action is the big secret if you want to gain control.
     

    It’s not true that you don’t have an alternative. Don’t resign yourself to it if you, for example, don’t find a new job immediately. Keep looking, network, look for courses you could take to acquire new skills, never stop applying for different roles.

    Control your life
    Photo by rawpixel on unsplash.com

    3. Control your life

     

    If there really is no way to take action where you need it right now, then take action in another area of life. Look at your health and your relationships, for example.
     

    The key is doing, rather than just being inactive. Just one caution: Aimless “busy work” just for the sake of it, doesn’t cut it. Action needs to be meaningful and lead to a specific end.
     

    Remember, it’s your life, you pull the strings. It’s not true that you “can’t” change things, you’re choosing not to – for a good reason, perhaps, but it’s still you who chooses.

  • What Would You Do For Free?


     

    Abstract:
     

    In a workshop I attended recently, I was confronted with an intriguing idea. Rather than “working on what brings you money”, the trainer told us to make money doing what we’d do for free.
     

    What a shift in thinking! I was brought up with the belief that you need to earn money doing a job that’s in demand. You know, a serious job in an office! I also grew up with the belief that people who work on what they love, end up broke.
     
     

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    Doing it for free?

     

    First of all: No, you don’t have to earn your living with your passion. You can put it front and centre in any number of other ways. But if you do want to make money with it, then it’s definitely possible.
     

    To do this, you need to get over the idea that you can’t charge for your work just because you love doing it. This belief goes back to the kind of childhood conditioning I mentioned in the beginning. What nonsense!
     

    You deserve to live in abundance. Above all, you deserve to be paid for your work, your training, your time, everything you’ve put into the product or service you’re selling. It’s definitely worth the money.
     

    What would you do for free?
    Photo by Rosie Kerr on unsplash.com

    A different perspective

     

    Another point is that your work will be valued more if you charge appropriately. A colleague of mine doubled her Coaching rates. While she lost a few clients, the ones who still signed up with her, were so much more committed that their results skyrocketed.
     

    People will take you seriously if you take yourself seriously, as well as your work. One way of showing your self-worth is by the price tag you put on your work. Value is also expressed in money in this day and age, it’s a simple fact of life.

  • How To Actually Change Your Life


     

    Abstract:
     

    Statistics on people who set out to make a big change, are discouraging. Turns out you can set out to change your life with the best intentions, and still fail at making it last.
     

    I’m one of the few who managed to implement changes in the long term, more than once in my life. I’m not superhuman nor do I have above-average willpower (on the contrary), I simply know an approach that works.
     
     

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    Which type is you?

     

    When it comes to change, there are two types of people. The first type gets all enthusiastic, implements dramatic, sweeping changes all at once, and eventually can’t keep it up.
     

    The other type knows they need to change something, they want the change, but get so overwhelmed by this enormous task that they go into limbo and end up not changing anything.
     

    Then there’s a third, small group of people who successfully change their lives. What are they doing differently?
     

    Change your life
    Photo by Brooke Lark on unsplash.com

    The change formula

     

    The successful way to change your life has two parts:
     

    1. One small change a day. Start by writing down your desired big change. Then break it down into baby steps and never plan more than a week ahead. If you’d like to eat better, do something small and repeat that small daily step until it’s a habit. Then tackle the next change, and so forth.
    2. Get support. It’s not true you have no willpower, it’s genuinely hard to be consistent and change your life in our hectic modern times. Find a group of people working on the same goal, like an online community. Get coaching. Buddy up with a friend. Whatever works for you, do it, and don’t think you can do it all on your own.

     

    Put a reminder into your calendar three months from now. At that point, take stock – you’ll be surprised to see how far these tiny daily changes have taken you!

  • “But I’m Not Unhappy!”


     

    Abstract:
     

    When I was stuck in limbo and withdrawal mode, I’d defensively claim that life was actually quite good. “I’m not unhappy,” I told myself.
     

    Deep down, though, part of me lay dormant. My clients tell me similar things: that they have a happy relationship, a great family, a good job – and yet it’s like they’re burying part of themselves, the part that makes them joyful.
     

    Joy through the people in our lives is wonderful and important. But it’s also crucial to find joy in ourselves, and the easiest way to access this is passion.
     
     

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    Passion detective

     

    If you’re in denial or avoidance mode, it can feel like you’re not really passionate about anything. To uncover your passion(s), ask yourself what you love, or used to love.
     

    You may not come up with anything exciting, but if it’s something you enjoy, that’s a start. Try and pinpoint exactly what it is you like about it.
    If you enjoy walks in the woods, it might be because they calm you. Or maybe you love plants and animals? Your answers can point you towards the thing or things you’re truly passionate about.
     

    Happy
    Photo by Bruce Mars on unsplash.com

    Don’t settle for “not unhappy”

     

    Simply getting by isn’t enough to show for when it comes to your life. This is your creation and what you’ll leave behind.
     

    It’s so tempting to slide into the familiar, the comfortable. After all, everyone else is doing it! Society tells us a family, friends and a job are enough, but in truth, life has many different facets. There’s also personal fulfilment, creativity, passion and purpose.
     

    Don’t give up and don’t give in. Be relentless in your pursuit of what lights you up. This is what’ll create the moments you’ll remember when you’re old – or the regrets you feel for not living your purpose.

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