• What Do You Expect From Life (It’s Probably Not Joy)?

    What do you expect from life?

    An interesting twist on the famous Law of Attraction is the insight that you don’t “get what you think” or even what you feel – although the latter is closer to the truth – you get what you expect. It sounds like a minor distinction at first, but once you truly understand what it means, you’ll realise that this changes everything.

    I’d like to take a closer look at what it means to “get what you expect”, how you can utilise it for yourself, and the role that trauma plays in this. In short, I’ll encourage you to do some introspection, assess your own expectations, and help you adjust them to increase your levels of happiness – and, of course, the time and energy you spend on your passion(s).

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    Not the Law of Attraction again!


    Most of us have watched The Secret or read a book or at the very least, an article. Most have at least a vague idea what the Law of Attraction is about: that what you think, believe, feel, is what you’re likely to attract into your life. Basically, whatever you’re a vibrational match for, will manifest itself.

    Don’t expect me to talk you into believing it, please. The thing with the Law of Attraction is that it works both ways: If you’re convinced it doesn’t work, guess what – it won’t! All I can say is that I know people from all walks of life, some privileged, some definitely not, who use the LoA to great success and have consciously manifested things that can only be called miracles.

    We know thoughts have vibrations – actual, measurable vibrations. So do emotions. We also know that nothing exists in isolation and everything is connected. Studies have proven, over and over, that a patient’s attitude plays a significant role in their chances of recovery. It’s not all that far-fetched to think that at least part of our reality results from, well, us.

    Think, feel, expect


    A skeptic will be quick to point out that thinking of a pink flamingo won’t make one appear (more’s the pity – they’re beautiful!). However, as I mentioned before, thoughts are only the beginning of the process, because repeatedly thinking something influences our feelings, and they’re what manifests, according to The Secret.

    But you see, it’s also where so many people struggle. I’ve manifested quite a lot of what I set out to. At other times, I seemed to do all the work – visualised, cleansed, took action, kept my mood positive, trusted in the outcome – and nothing happened. Zero. Zilch. I’ve heard from others who had similar experiences. Were we all doing something wrong?

    Here’s where newer research comes in, things you can read in publications from the last decade or so. They point out that thinking and feeling are great, but as long as we expect, deep down, something different, we’ll not manifest the thing we’re thinking about. Say, if you do all the classic manifestation work around attracting your ideal partner, but deep down inside you don’t believe you can find love, or that you’re not worthy of it, it’s not going to happen.

    Two lovers at sunset. Is love what you expect from life?

    Why trauma is so very damaging


    Unfortunately, the above is another reason why trauma is so very damaging. As though it wasn’t enough that traumatic experiences linger on in the body and get triggered at every inconvenient moment, they can also severely mess with our ability to manifest what we truly want.

    Once you’ve experienced abuse, either physically or mentally, or the loss of security or any other emotional trauma, it can be next to impossible to truly expect good things in your life. This is why so many of us self-sabotage and also trip up our attempts at manifestation.

    It doesn’t mean you’re beyond help, though. Trauma can be healed, the nervous system can be restored. More importantly, you don’t have to be perfect and completely free of trauma, either. Only just doing the work can give you back enough of your ability to believe that it’s possible and expect your dreams to become reality.

    What you can do


    What does this mean for you and your life, then? Here are a few steps you can take to start manifesting with more ease and achieving what you’d love to have in your life.

    • First of all, examine how you feel most of the time. What’s your overall mood? Watch yourself for a day or two. How much time to you spend feeling genuinely happy? Grumpy? Sad? How many times do you complain?
    • In order to improve your happiness, look at your dreams and goals. Check if you truly believe you’ll achieve them. If you don’t, find a partial goal along the way to your dream that seems more doable for yourself. Focus on that and take the first step towards it immediately.
    • Figure out your passion(s) and go on to radically prioritise them. Nothing else will bring you happiness the way putting your joy first does. It’ll also lead you to your purpose, which is another thing the happiest people are sure about.
    • Next time you use the Law of Attraction, focus less on the visualisation and good-mood parts. Instead, work on clearing the blocks set by your expectations. Work on healing your trauma, and don’t wait until you think you’re perfect; get started and manifest. Practice makes perfect.


    Expect from life the things you want


    Once you learn to make joy the thing you expect from life, joy is what you’ll create. We’re in the habit of expecting not much of anything, and that’s why we experience so much “meh” in our daily lives – our evolutionary negativity bias makes sure of it.

    Try and turn this around and expect joy. Expect abundance. Expect to always have enough time and energy to pursue your passion. The joy will bring you up against obstacles and old beliefs. However, it’ll also point you towards ways of overcoming them. Over time, this will increase your capacity for happiness and make a noticeable difference in your life.

  • Passion Means “Working On Getting Better”



    You’ve heard me say before that a passion is anything that lights you up. That’s my definition. Other people would call any hobby a passion. There are different opinions.

    I would like to define my own idea of what a passion is, in a little more detail. There’s an interesting factor that in my opinion makes all the difference.

    Your mission today is to learn what passion has to do with working on getting better.

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    Task 1: What improving means


    I’ll start off by saying what improving doesn’t mean: It doesn’t mean being competitive, it doesn’t mean beating yourself up or thinking you’re not good enough. It doesn’t even mean being good at something by any definition of the word.

    What it means is that you work on getting better. If you’re a total beginner, you work on becoming an advanced beginner and finally an intermediate. If you’re advanced, you work on becoming a master, or at least on getting as close to that as possible.

    It’s very important to understand this, or you’ll just end up feeling bad about yourself, and that’s not the idea.

    getting better

    Task 2: Working on getting better


    So what does “working on getting better” mean? It means that something is so important to you, you’re so in love with it that you want to get better, or learn more, all the time.

    If your passion is a field of study, you’ll want to read about it, watch documentaries about it, visit locations related to your passion… You soak up any new information like a sponge.

    If your passion is a skill – like a craft or an art – you’ll practice in order to get better. You do this not to beat anyone else, or to show off, but because of the joy you feel when you do better.

    Working on getting better at something you love is immensely gratifying; in fact, it’s the most fulfilling activity I know of.

  • Vlog 14: Road Trip To Ireland


    Road Trip To Ireland After Over Two Years Away


    Two years and four months later, I finally went back home for a visit. It’s bliss being here! The vlog shows the mad journey across the continent, stopping to see a few sights and also friends along the way.

    I hope you’ll enjoy the vlog! It’s been a lot of fun creating it.

    If you’d prefer watching on YouTube, click here.

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  • The Magic Of Outsourcing



    I’ve said before that we try to do too much. We expect of ourselves to do all the work that historically all the different classes had to do: The upper class, you might have been lawyers or doctors, and the lower class who had to do the house work. At the same time, we expect of ourselves to be in perfect shape physically and look great.

    True, a lot of work is much easier today – just think of washing mashines! Without these inventions, we would stand no chance. But even so, it’s too much.

    Your mission today is to understand the magic of outsourcing.

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    Task 1: Why is it too much?


    Some people really do work around the clock and never sit still. It’s clear why they never seem to have time to do what they love!

    Maybe you’re different. You might have a small household and not that much work. I’m the same, but it’s still a lot.

    The reason for this is that we need a different kind of focus at work, at home, for housework and different tasks. It’s this switching back and forth that exhausts us. Having time is not the same as having headspace for a passion.

    the magic of outsourcing - friends around a garden table

    Task 2: Find your outsourcing sweet spot


    Obviously, if you’re in dire straits financially, outsourcing might currently not be an option at all. As long as you’re on a sufficient income, though, you’ll be able to find ways.

    You needn’t get a cleaner who comes in every day. I started with one who came twice a month and only cleaned the floors and the bathroom. That already made a huge difference.

    Outsourcing options: Cleaning, laundry, ironing, paperwork (such as taxes), childminding, garden work, cooking. The options are sheer endless.

    You can always outsource more, or less, when your situation changes. Get started now, and breathe some free air. You’ll soon find the energy for your passion(s).

  • Nourish Your Soul With These 3 Types Of Energy

    nourish your soul

    “Energy” seems to be a catch-all term for all sorts of things.

    These days, you’ll probably think of fuel first – prices of oil and gas have been skyrocketing and are a hot topic. There’s also the much harder to define personal energy. People may say they lack energy to work out or do what they love. Overall, this second type of energy seems mostly physical and is related to tiredness and sleep cycles as well.

    A third kind of energy comes from us and the people around us. This energy can either drain us – when we’re around people who are unsupportive or toxic, or even just on a different wavelength – or nourish us. When we’re in the presence of a good friend, we instantly relax and feel well. In contrast, some people’s energy sets our teeth on edge as soon as they enter a room.

    It’s this third type of energy I’m writing about today. It comes in different shapes and forms, and in order for us to thrive, we need 3 types of energy on a regular basis.

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    Nourish your soul


    Before I detail the types of energy though, I’d like to talk about the beautiful-sounding concept of nourishing your soul. It’s a frequently used term but also a kind of catch-all, which makes it hard to grasp and define. Allow me to try.

    Physical nourishment is easy to define. Mostly people talk about food when they’re talking about physical nourishment. Exercise does fall into this category as well. Of course, our bodies, souls, minds, and spirits aren’t really separate but all part of, well, us, and so nourishing your body will also nourish your soul to an extent.

    However, it’s worth keeping in mind that it works both ways. When the soul is nourished, the body benefits too (just as afflictions of the psyche can at times manifest in physical illness).

    Nourishment for the soul is anything that makes you feel good, cosy, safe, understood, seen, heard, cared for, and comfortable. Looking at this list, you probably realise that there’s more than one way of soul nourishing, and that you probably need different kinds in order to cover all your needs. I’ve identified three of them.

    3 types of soul-nourishing energy


    Why 3 different kinds, though? Why do I insist on these different types of energy so much? You’d be forgiven for thinking that any kind of soul nourishment is good, but there’s a danger in that.

    Our society feeds us many narratives, and some of them are highly toxic. One example is the belief that all we need for our happiness is the love of one romantic partner. It has given rise to narcissistic abuse going unchecked (because people find it romantic when someone wants their partner all to themselves, isolating them) and all sorts of unhealthy patterns developing.

    So, no, having the nourishment of one other person doesn’t cut it. Neither does being on your own all the time and only relying on your solo energy. Are we clear on that? Good. Because I honestly can’t emphasise it enough.

    nourish your soul

    Nourish your soul #1: Solo energy


    No, not Han Solo – I’m talking about your own, undiluted energy. This is the energy you feel when you’re on your own, either at home or out in nature.

    Why is “undiluted” so important? It’s important because there are things in your life which require your authentic self. Much as another’s input can be valuable at times, this same input is misplaced when it comes to things like:

    • Resting
    • The ability to tune into your intuition
    • Creative work
    • Pursuing passions (at least, some of them)
    • Learning/studying


    Nourish your soul #2: Group energy


    If you’re an introvert or a highly sensitive extrovert (such as myself), you’ll probably wince now. Hear me out. A group setting doesn’t have to be a mass event or a class with 200 participants. It can be an evening with three or four good friends or a small crafting group.

    It will probably still require you to recharge afterwards, but the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. Humans are, as we’re fond of saying, social animals. There’s something about the merged energy of a group that can be incredibly nourishing.

    Synergy means that the combined energy of the group is more than its individual parts added up. There’s something new that happens only when a group comes together. This could take the form of inspiration, new ideas, or simply learning from each other. It’s an energy that takes you out of your own head, and that’s incredibly healthy.

    The important part is that you pick two things well: the kind of group and the amount of exposure. Look after your needs and don’t overdo it, and when you’re with your group of choice, gently lean into the energy.

    group energy

    Nourish your soul #3: 1-on-1 energy


    Group synergy is incredible for generating new ideas and inspiration and taking you out of yourself. In contrast, being with one other person can deepen your understanding of yourself and get your further than you’d ever manage to go on your own.

    The other person could be a close friend or a partner, a teammate or indeed a coach. The important part is that you trust this person. If you do, then their energy can touch yours in ways that no group setting could ever accomplish.

    When I work with my coach, I feel doors opening that I never would have even found on my own. The same happens when I work with my clients. There is a depth in 1-on-1 settings that is quite unmatched by anything else.

    Sadly, this has led to a culture where 1-on-1 is valued over almost everything else, and as I mentioned above, this can be highly toxic. Be certain to vary the types of human energy in your life, and make sure you get enough of all three kinds to create a balanced life and a great basis for happiness, pursuing your passion, and any goals you’ve set yourself.