You’re Not As Lazy As You Think

Lazy, Laziness, pursue your passion

What would you guess, is the one thing all my different clients have in common, when asked why they don’t pursue their passion? People from diverse backgrounds, education, interests, passions… What is the one thing they all say about themselves?
 

They all call themselves lazy.
 

I would be hard-pressed to come up with another thing practically everyone has in common. And that’s astounding, especially considering how untrue the statement is. People are in fact far from lazy. They get an astonishing number of things done, only they fail to count those and dismiss them as “normal”. Some run an amazing household. Others kill it at work. They may spend lots of quality time with their children or pets – or indeed, any combination of the above.
 

All these amazing people share a nagging feeling that they should be doing more, that they should be on top of things and have it all figured out. There are many reasons for this phenomenon, one of them being how easy it is to compare ourselves to others these days, especially on Social Media where everyone emphasises the positive aspects of their lives. The impression one gets from scrolling through friends’ status updates is that they are all at the top of their game, and we are somehow… lagging behind.
 
 

 
 

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Why we think we’re lazy

 

When we think about why we aren’t doing everything we want to – when I, for example, ask someone what keeps them from pursuing their passion – we quickly jump to the conclusion that we’re simply lazy. After all, not every minute of every day is taken up by different tasks. We often even sit in front of the TV or the computer doing nothing but wasting time! If we weren’t so lazy, we’d be out exercising, or crafting, or pursuing some other passion, right?
 

Wrong.

[bctt tweet=”If we weren’t so lazy, we’d be out exercising, or crafting, or pursuing some other passion, right? -Wrong.”]

You see, the assumption that every moment of our waking time should be filled with some productive activity, is simply wrong. It’s also completely against anything we’re equipped to do from an evolutionary standpoint.
 

I’ve read several accounts of anthropologists (anthropology is one of the subjects I studied at university. Did I mention I’m a multi-passionate?) who went to live in tribal cultures that haven’t been touched by technology. They all observed that there’s no “laziness”, no reluctance to work or do things, in these cultures. Very rarely, there might be someone who doesn’t want to work, and they’ll be regarded as sick and left alone, until they “feel better” and come to join the others in their chores again.
 

Isn’t that interesting?
 
 

Information overload

 

A lot has been said and written about the fact that our modern lives aren’t particularly suited to our human nature. We get overstimulated by media, advertising, traffic, noise, artificial light, and a myriad of other things. We have access to practically all information available to humanity, at our fingertips, and more opportunities to work, practice, create, and do whatever we please than we ever had before.
 

A lot of these things are marvellous, but they also carry the danger of constant overwhelm. To go back to the example of tribal societies: One thing they seem to have in common is that the pace of life is slow. There is a lot of work to be done, but people aren’t in a rush all the time. The phenomenon of stress is unique to our “civilised” culture.

[bctt tweet=”So maybe, just maybe, we aren’t lazy at all when we scroll through Facebook instead of writing a novel?”]

So maybe, just maybe, we aren’t lazy at all when we scroll through Facebook instead of painting a picture or writing a novel? Maybe sitting on the couch munching a takeaway, rather than going for a run, doesn’t make you a bad person, but is simply a symptom of a life full to the brim with impressions and stimulation already? What’s more, we all have different tolerance thresholds and different needs for rest, which makes it even more pointless to compare ourselves to others unfavourably.
 
 

Overcoming inertia

 

Isn’t it perhaps time to let yourself off the hook for your “laziness”? Beating yourself up isn’t going to solve anything. At the same time, you shouldn’t just accept that you’ll never get to pursue your passion or live your dreams. When you think you’re lazy, it’s a sure sign that your life is too full. It’s time to de-clutter, simplify, downsize.
 

One thing Coaching does for people is to make them feel better about themselves because they go into action mode. Humans aren’t supposed to do it all by themselves. In tribal societies, people always work with at least one other person.
 

Get the support you need, sign up for Coaching, join a Mastermind group… You’ll be surprised how motivated you suddenly are to make the changes you wish for.

Why Circling Is Your Secret Weapon

Circling, Mastermind

Have you ever tried to keep up some kind of positive routine? Ever tried to eat healthy when everyone around you celebrated junk food and alcohol? Or to pursue your passion and consciously seek joy when TV and stress are the norm? I don’t know about you, but I fail fairly regularly.
 

Being aware and conscious and making good choices can feel like a constant uphill struggle. It’s like “normality” pulls us back down more effectively than gravity connects us to the surface of our planet. I choose quotes around “normality” because it is, of course, BS. What we think of as a normal life has been established within the last 100-200 years, tops. It’s not even particularly suited to humans, this way of life we’ve chosen, and yet it’s anchored in our heads as the way the world works and the only possible life.
 

If you’re committed to positive change, you automatically set yourself up for what can feel like hard work. You are constantly swimming against the tide of the rest of society. Add to that our human tendency to take the path of least resistance with ourselves, and suddenly the sofa and a TV series look a lot more appealing than that book you’re trying to write or your dancing shoes.
 

There’s a very good reason though why this is so, and ways to make it easier for you to stick with what brings you joy. Let me show you!
 
 

 
 

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Circling for empowerment

 

Humans are herd animals. On our own, we’re actually fairly weak and not very suited to survival. The way homo sapiens survived from the beginning of our existence, was by banding together in groups, and this behaviour is deeply ingrained in our subconscious.
 

Of course, in today’s society the individual is celebrated, because we’ve created a much safer way of life and are no longer in danger of being eaten by wild animals. However, we still have that urge to stick together. It’s been with us for tens of thousands of years; a habit that has been so long established and used to be this crucial to survival, is not so easily broken.
 

It’s this which can pull us down when we try to soar in joy and fulfillment, but the same mechanic can also work in our favour. Basically, in order to succeed at anything, we need the support of other humans. It’s not a weakness or a lack of individuality, it’s simply the way we are hard-wired to operate. Coaching is of course one way of getting support. Another is circling.
 

When I say “circling”, I mean a wide variety of activities. Basically, I would count as a circle any type of group coming together regularly with a similar goal. I’ll give you a few examples of groups, but in reality, the possibilities are endless! Find something which works for you, and transforming your life will be a breeze.
 
 

Mastermind

 

I’ll start with the most powerful way of circling. A mastermind is a group of people who support each other to reach certain goals. Often, it’s business people who meet either in person, or online (or by phone conference) to share goals, brainstorm possible solutions to a challenge one of them might be facing, and support each other. Masterminds are so powerful, people spend hundreds per month to be part of one.
 

The concept is applicable to everything, though – people who pursue their passions, for example! Why not brainstorm ways of creating space for passions every day, and support to stick with doing what you love? The possibilities are endless.
 
 

Hobby groups, drumming circles, etc.

 

Two of my best friends joined a drum circle and couldn’t shut up about it. There’s something incredibly empowering about sitting with others and drumming out a free rhythm which will eventually merge into a group rhythm, a voice beyond the individual’s. It’s synergy in motion.
 

There are all sorts of hobby and interest groups if your passion is something shareable. There are crafting groups, knitting circles, dance groups, you name it. The great thing about those is that the fees are mostly nominal – usually just the cost of the room you’re meeting in.
 
 

Women’s circles

 

Women are still brought up to be competitive with each other. Society can be rather toxic for us! Really, there’s nothing more powerful than a bunch of women who unconditionally support each other.
 

Ever since the 70s, women circling have been changing communities and more importantly, women’s own hearts and lives. More recently, the “Red Tent” movement (google it) has brought forth safe spaces for women to express themselves and evolve in. Get up, get going, and get involved! You’ll wonder how you ever did without.

Passion Or Success?

Pursue Your Passion, break through to success

“Passion” is a buzz-word right now. Wherever you look, there’s another guru telling you how you need to pursue your passion above everything else. The pursuit of passion is so relentless, it can make you feel exhausted just thinking about it.
 

And here I am calling myself a “Passions Priority Coach”. Why’s that?
 

Well, whenever there’s a lot of hype around something, there’s usually a reason why it became so popular in the first place. Passions are a case in point. I’m far from telling you that you need to feel passionate 24/7 or else you fail at life, but I am telling you to take a good look at the amount of joy and passion present in your days. They might just be the key to a lot more things than you ever suspected.
 
 

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What’s a “passion”, anyway?

 

The way I define “passion” is simple: It’s anything that lights you up. Your passion is that thing you could do all day, that makes you forget time. You feel inspired, pumped, wired, or simply very, very content.
 

Your passion could be an art or craft. It could be music, dancing, reading, writing. For some, their passion is a hobby or a particular interest they love pursuing. And remember that you don’t necessarily just have one passion. A lot of us are multi-passionate, or multi-potentialists, meaning that we have different interests which light us up, and they may change over the years.
 
 

Passion or success/money!

 
When I speak about passions, it’s easy to get agreement from people. Everybody wants to follow their passions, don’t they? It’s self explanatory.
 

The reason why I’m doing the work I do, is that most people see passions as something of an afterthought. They have their work or business, which is ideally related to a passion, but it’s a serious undertaking and it has to come first. Passions are relegated to the 30 minutes on a Sunday evening when the “real” work is done.
 

And that, right there, is the issue. People focus on success and “making a living” – or a fortune, even – and neglect what living is actually all about: enjoyment. Passion. Love. The moments that stay with you.
 
 

Centre or periphery?

 

You may well argue that you still need to pay the bills, and a business can make you feel fulfilled, too. You are absolutely right, of course. I’m not for one moment suggesting that you give up on the practicalities of life in favour of your passion or passions. My point is about focus.
 

You see, something happens to our souls when we realise that joy, passion, the expansive feeling of doing exactly what we love most, are really what life is all about. If we start putting our main focus on our passions, a shift happens. It’s like our DNA changes, like every cell in our bodies rearranges itself in a new, lighter, joyful pattern.
 

This doesn’t crowd out necessities like paying bills; on the contrary, once we have our priorities right, time seems to expand and “busy” becomes a thing of the past. I see it time and time again with my Coaching clients. They gush about co-incidences, serendipitous meetings, and new levels of success in jobs or businesses.
 
 

The highest form of Self Care

 

The truth is that catering to our passions, making them front and centre in our lives, is the ultimate act of Self Care. It leads to our filling up with joy and love, to the point where we overflow and this love seeps into everything else we do, until it permeates every area of our lives.
 

Yes, this does include success, careers and businesses, especially if we love what we do. It can, however, infuse even the most menial work with a new sense of meaning and purpose. Ever since I made the shift to passions-centered living, every day has become meaningful. I no longer live for the weekend. And every time I stop to think about my life, I’m immediately flooded with a deep, heartfelt gratitude, a feeling so profound it occasionally moves me to tears.
 

There’s only one feeling that beats this profound joy, and that’s witnessing the same joy grow in others. It’s why I am a Passions Coach! I can think of no greater privilege than to be around a fully realised human being, and having a hand in bringing this about is the best job I can think of.
 

Remember what used to make you happy. Think of the thing you always wanted to try. When will now be the right time to pursue them? Dare it, and watch your life unfold.

Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work

Positive Thinking, Wild Spirits Coaching

Wait, what? Isn’t positive thinking the cure-all prescribed by countless self-help books and Coaches, including myself?
 

Not quite. Focusing on the positive is indeed beneficial. However, it can be actively harmful to believe that you can change your life by positive thinking only. If you’ve ever done any Coaching with me, you’ll know that mindset is just one of the factors which need to be in place. The same goes for all areas of life.
 

I see the attraction of a formula like: “All it takes is positive thinking”. Humans like simple truths. It’s like someone is offering to solve all your problems at the push of a button.
 

What if I showed you a slightly more complex, but still simple formula that actually works, instead?
 
 

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1. The framework of positive thinking

 

Many people either don’t bother with this step, because they think it’s not important, or they get stuck in doing this but nothing else. I challenge you to fall into neither of these groups and realise that this is a critical step – there’s a reason why it comes first – but it’ll only give you the results you wish for if you continue with the next steps afterwards.
 

The framework is what you could call the mind’s work. You need to get clear on what it is you want, and put your intention into writing. It’s where goals come into play.
 

Say you need more money. Your goal will be a certain amount of extra cash earned by a certain date (it’s important to give specifics. Vague goals like “more money” don’t work). It might also be to save a particular amount each month.
 

If your goal is to attract the partner of your dreams, state what you want from the relationship. I don’t recommend describing your ideal partner beyond a few general characteristics like kindness and honesty, because love famously often looks quite different from what we were expecting.
 

The most important part of this step is to put your goal into writing. Be as specific as you can and add a deadline to it.
 
 

2. Lighting the fuse

 

Now that you know exactly what it is you’re striving for, you’ve got to kindle a flame underneath your goal. This is where emotions come in. If your goal is only rational and resides in your brain, it won’t do you much good. Incidentally, this is why positive thinking alone doesn’t do much good! If it’s only in your head, you’ll have trouble manifesting your goal in the real world, because the world consists of more than just your rational mind.
 

Ways of getting excited about your goal include to daydream about it, share it with your best friend, go and look at the end result (for instance, if you want a house, you could drive around and look for houses which match your dream, or browse real-estate websites).
 

Infuse some fun and passion into this; the idea is to get fired up whenever you think of your goal! Don’t think that this is silly or inappropriate; emotion is what manifests things. If you are looking for a new job, you may not want to arrive at the interview giggling, but you do want to have a good laugh beforehand so you’ll arrive looking happy, relaxed, and confident.
 

Be playful and creative with this. Whatever you can think of – as long as it works, go for it! And if you have trouble coming up with anything, you may want to consider some Passion Matters Coaching.
 
 

3. Buckling down

 

This is the part most people don’t want to do. It’s what suspiciously looks like work, and often is. You could call it the physical part of making things happen.
 

Quite simply, you need to take action, and it should be focused and consistent. It may seem obvious, but think about it: How many people fall down here? How many times have you made plans in your mind and not followed through? Everyone is guilty of this every now and then.
 

The way to avoid your goals dissolving into thin air here, is to keep working on the first two areas, in the shape of regularly reviewing your goals and making adjustments where needed, and finding your joy and passion for them. This will keep you motivated to put in the actual work.
 

It might not be as easy as simple positive thinking, but it’s definitely not complicated! If you keep the three steps in mind, you’ll be able to pinpoint any issues faster and move past them.

Want The Simple Life? Stop Hustling.

Live your dreams: The simple life

Every now and then, a post goes around Social Media that pretty much everyone can agree on. It praises the “simple life”, reading by the window, going for walks after the rain… It gets shared widely and makes people sigh wistfully.
 

Ironically, those of us who share these types of posts, are often people who work all hours or juggle a family with countless social obligations. I include myself in this: As a multi-passionate, I used to be involved in way too many things. Individually, each activity was meaningful and fun, and I loved the people I met through them, but overall my schedule was exhausting.
 

You see the disconnect, don’t you? I’m the first person who’ll tell you to live your dreams – it’s what my Coaching is all about – but to do that, you need to eliminate everything from your life which doesn’t fit the vision.
 

[bctt tweet=”To live your dream, you need to eliminate everything from your life which doesn’t fit the vision.”]

I’d like to take you on a journey of creation. Are you game?
 
 

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Time for dreams

 

This is the fun part. Put on your tinfoil hat and get comfortable, and then close your eyes (well – it might be a good idea to finish reading the next paragraph first!). Then imagine that magically, money or social obligations no longer play a role in your life. You are enjoying the incredible luxury of doing exactly what you choose every single day.
 

Picture “A day in the life” for yourself. Spend at least 10 minutes on this and imagine every last detail. What does your house look like? Who else lives there, if anyone? Where do you live? What do the surroundings look like? What’s the weather on this particular day? How do you wake up in the morning, and what do you do? How do you spend all the beautiful hours of your day?
 

A few questions to consider:
 

  • Do you work? If so, what is your work? How much time do you spend on it and how does it make you feel?
  • Do you make art? Craft? Create? Pursue your passion or multiple passions?
  • Do you exercise? Play?
  • Do you travel? If so, where to?

These are just a few prompts to get you going! Go ahead and dream up a perfect day in your perfect life. If possible, write down your vision; written dreams are particularly powerful.
 
 

Reality check: A “simple life”?

 

Once you’re done dreaming, it’s time to reconcile this vision with your reality. It may seem impossible at first, but don’t dismiss it too quickly. First, take the following steps:
 

  • Think or read back over your dream day. What was the overall atmosphere in it? What did you feel (happiness, content, love, gratitude…)? Be specific and write down these feelings.
  • Before, I invited you to go into detail. Now, I ask you to look at the big picture and find out what the general theme of your dream life was. Was it peace and quiet? Excitement and adventure? People and love? Of course, there might be elements of several or all of these things (and others besides them). Just try to find the one main theme, the one which matters to you the most.
  • Now it’s time to compare the dominant emotions and the main theme of your dream to your current reality. Write down your observations, especially obvious discrepancies.

Now you have, right in front of you, the things you need to work on. If your life already matches your dream, great! Figure out ways in which to infuse even more of your favourite emotions and “theme” into every day. If you see discrepancies, make a plan to tackle them one by one. This is a perfect time to introduce Coaching into your life, by the way!
 
 

Alignment

 

Don’t try to revolutionise everything at once. Often, only small adjustments are needed. Remember, you aren’t trying to live the life of a millionaire by tomorrow; you are trying to recreate feelings and themes, and those aren’t dependent on a budget or life situation.
 

If it’s the “simple life” from the quote at the beginning of this article that you’re craving, then maybe it’s time to drop all those obligations and activities. If you’re all for excitement, then maybe you should spend more money on travelling than on housing. if you want to pursue your passion, maybe you don’t need 25 pairs of shoes or the latest gadget.
 

The point of this exercise is to align your life with what you truly want. 
[bctt tweet=”Life is too short to live somebody else’s vision. It’s time for you to create your own.”]