How To Make Friends At Any Age


 

Abstract:
 

I was a hermit for some years. I’d kicked all my friends out of my life. My friends are awesome and all kept a light on for me until I was ready to re-emerge, but in the meantime I’d also moved away and so I needed to make new friends as well.
 

It’s been quite a journey and I’ve learned a lot. At nearly 50, I can say I know it’s possible to make friends at any age.
 
 

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Task 1: Passion equals friends

 

Do what lights you up, but don’t do it on your own. Find people who share that passion. Organise a group (book club, crafting circle, hiking club etc) or join one that’s already there.
 

Nothing beats the feeling of: “Wow, I can gush about my passion for hours and nobody glazes over!” when you’ve met your tribe, those who share your passion.
 
 

Task 2: Go where people are

 

Join courses, weekend workshops, retreats – whatever takes your fancy. You may not have the money to go out and do something every weekend of the year, but look what’s available and plan in advance.
 

This is where a budget comes in! Save up for this one weekend course of yoga, or meditation, or an evening class or whatever. Suggest to go for a coffee or drinks afterwards. See what happens.
 

make friends

Photo by Val Vesa on unsplash.com


 

Task 3: Be interested, not interesting

 

This will come as a relief, especially for introverts: There’s this idea that you need to dazzle everyone with your fascinating personality in order to win friends. The opposite is the case.
 

Everyone loves talking about themselves. Ask thoughtful questions and listen, really listen to their answers. Remember what they said, mention it the next time you meet. This shows you care enough to remember.
 

Making friends is not a question of age, it’s a question of being open to it. Try it and you might surprise yourself.

Understand The Woo-Woo: What’s Your Purpose Really?


 

Abstract:
 

It’s always the next project: get the kid through primary school, or into the school of their choice, or on the team they want to be at, get the job I want, the relationship of my dreams…
 

Goals are great. I always recommend having goals in every part of your life. But when you hustle and hustle towards short-term goals all the time, there comes a point when you stop and ask yourself: What’s it all for? What’s the bigger picture?
 

This is where purpose comes in.
 
 

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Task 1: Spot the purpose

 

When we hear purpose, we think of people with a mission. People who drop everything to build schools in a poor country. People who change the world.
 

They definitely all have a purpose, but it’s not the only way to have one. Everyone has a purpose, but many don’t know they do because they think if it doesn’t at least solve world hunger, it can’t be a purpose.
 

your purpose

Photo by Jonathan Francisca on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: Find your purpose

 

There are three steps to this process, or three levels of insight:
 

  1. Check philosophy and religions: at the root, they’re about love. Living in love, spreading love in the world and the behaviour that follows (such as helping each other, ethics etc).
  2. Passion and purpose are connected – this is my work – but that doesn’t mean your passion is necessarily your purpose. Passion leads to purpose, in that it lights you up. When you’re on fire with joy, you’re in a high vibration energetically, and this matches the vibration of purpose and will make you attract it.
  3. Remember you already know your purpose (love). Your task is to spend as much time in a high vibration as possible, by pursuing your passion and feeling joy and love, and your purpose will become clear – it might even change over time, but it’ll be there.

Are We Addicted To “Instant Everything”?


 

Abstract:
 

When I first moved abroad, I wrote letters to my friends. I often had to wait for a reply for two weeks, and by then, I had moved on from what my initial letter had been about. It’s so much nicer to send an email or FB message and have my answer within hours, sometimes minutes.
 

If I want to read a book, I can order and download it to my Kindle immediately. It’s great, but this culture of “instant everything” also has its downsides.
 

Your mission today is to find the right balance between instant and long-term in your life.
 
 

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Task 1: Read your “instantometer”

 

Okay, I made that word up! But it’s important to know where you stand before you can make changes.
 

Questions to ask yourself:
 

  • When was the last time you took on a project that took longer than a few weeks or months to complete?
  • On average, how much time do you spend per week on Quadrant II activities according to Stephen Covey (things that are important, but not urgent, such as health or relationships)?

 

This will help you identify how much your life has been taken over by “instant everything”. It’ll also show you where you can start making changes.
 

instant

Photo by Debby Hudson on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: Make room for long-term

 

Stephen Covey says about Quadrant II that it’s the easiest to skip, because it’s not urgent. But if you neglect it for long enough, it’ll come back to bite you (your health, once ruined, will take a lot of time and money to fix; broken relationships can cause a lot of suffering, etc).
 

I suggest you take two steps:
 

  1. Schedule in time for self care, relationships, exercise etc.
  2. Start at least one thing that’ll take you a long time to learn or complete. A lot of passions lend themselves to this (such as learning a language, or playing an instrument, or a sport).

Give Yourself Permission To Want


 

Abstract:
 

When I was little, my mum used to say: “Mr Want has died.” It wasn’t considered polite to express one’s will. Wanting was discouraged.
 

It was well meant, but this kind of thinking is hugely damaging. People think that anyone who’s clear and vocal about what they want, must be selfish and ruthless.
 

Your mission today is to allow yourself to truly want and desire, and to discover why this is the best thing you could do for your loved ones.
 
 

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Task 1: What’s your story?

 

Chances are you have acquired a few internal, subconscious “stories” about wanting over the course of your life. Your first task is to uncover them.
 

Get comfortable, relax, and then finish the sentence, “I want…”, repeatedly. Make a note of what you spontaneously come up with, anything, even if it seems silly.
 

Most of all, however, make a note of how you feel when you express what you want. This is a huge signpost towards your attitude to desire.
 
 

Task 2: Become a receiver

 

Connected to the negativity around desire, is the idea that giving is better than receiving. In reality, a balance is best, because receiving is just as important as giving.
 

Make a conscious effort to become a good receiver. When someone pays you a compliment, say “thank you” (and nothing else). Whenever you receive money, express your gratitude. Give thanks for the food you nourish your body with, and so forth.
 

Permission To Want

Photo by Brooke Lark


 

Task 3: Permission to want

 

These tasks need to be repeated in order to truly effect change. Once you feel a lifting of the heaviness around the word “want”, it’s time to use it for yourself.
 

Allow yourself to want, stop being ashamed of it. You weren’t born to play small. Set your loved ones an example of reaching for the stars. Nothing could be more inspiring, and it’ll set them up for more happiness, too.

How To Use Results To Get Motivated


 

Abstract:
 

It seems obvious: getting what we want motivates us to work on it more. People often say this about money (“Give me a million, and I’m going to manage it”). Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and you have to start managing what little money you have in order to create more.
 

But how do you get motivated from the very start? In fact, there are several ways of doing this, and I’m going to introduce to you two of them.
 

Your mission is to use results to get motivated to do [fill in the blank].
 
 

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Task 1: Use results to get clarity

 

Don’t worry, you needn’t “visualise” for this. For some reason, people seem to be afraid of visualisation, but what it really means is to fantasise or daydream! Anyone can do that.
 

Imagine what you truly want to achieve. Picture your goal, or the passion you wish to prioritise in your life. Imagine a perfect “day in the life”, when you have actually prioritised your passion and achieved your goal. Picture every detail and use your senses as well as your emotions.
 

This gives you a good idea of what it is you truly want. It helps you set and adjust your goals, to make sure you’re working on results that really matter to you.
 

Use Results To Get Motivated

Photo by Sina Sahraei on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: Create results, fast

 

Find a way to get a “quick win”. By that I don’t mean a shortcut that makes the whole thing meaningless. I mean a first, tangible results.
 

When I got back into shape, I wanted to dance again. After a week of daily yoga / stretching for 5-10 minutes each day, I danced through a whole song without going out of breath. And I was hooked again.
 

Results make you addicted, so create and aim for as many part-way results – milestones – as you can. You’ll never lack motivation to go forward.