How To Kill Any Passion Or Goal

Kill your passion

I can practically hear your protest. “Oh come on. Nobody would kill off their passion. Don’t be silly.” But you see, I beg to differ.
 

This certainly doesn’t apply to everyone, at least not all the time, but most of us have been guilty of killing a goal or passion at least once in our lives. And I see too many people doing this habitually to stay quiet about it. The thing is, you might not even notice that you’re doing it in the first place.
 

What does killing a passion look like? How about these samples:
 

“I’m not a pro, my stuff is really amateurish.”
“I don’t have the time/money/talent.”
“If I didn’t have three kids / 40 pounds to lose / a bad back, I would do it.”
“My partner doesn’t want me to do xyz.”
“I’m too busy now, but once summer/winter is here / the kids are at university / xyz, I will get to it.”
“I’m way too old to begin. You really need to start as a child.”
 

They come disguised as valid reasons, but really they’re excuses. And they kill your passion, by preventing you from pursuing it and feeling the wild joy associated with doing what lights you up.
 

I’m here to tell you: It’s time to cut the cr*p and go for it. No, your job or family aren’t more important. You are more important, because a fulfilled, joyful you living your purpose is what your job or family need most.
 
 

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The excuses list

 

The above quotes are some example of what I refer to as “the excuses list”. It comes with a matching hand gesture, as if opening an old-fashioned scroll to read from it! I’m telling you this because the ability to laugh at ourselves goes a long way towards taking our own excuses a little less seriously. You see, they really aren’t reasons. They’re just what we allow to stand between ourselves and our passion.
 

If you set your mind to it, you can debunk every one of these excuses. For example, I have tendonitis which prevents me from swinging a sword in my strong hand. But I still do archery and I still dance, and I also occasionally swing an axe in my left. Physical impairments can always be worked around – just look at the paralympics!
 

Time is relative, as I explained in many previous articles. And who says you need to be good at something to enjoy it? If you think you’re too old, remember Grandma Moses started painting in her 80s.
 

As for deferring your passion for the sake of your spouse or children: Ask them if they want you to deny yourself the thing you love doing, of if they’d prefer a happy, fulfilled mum or partner. Once you think about it, the answer is so obvious that you don’t even have to ask, isn’t it?
 

Lack of money? There’s an easy fix for that. Don’t take my word for it, just try it and join the others who’ve all made at least twice the cost of the program back within the two months it takes to complete it.
 
 

Get support

 

Finally, don’t do this journey on your own. It doesn’t have to be me you sign up with. I do specialise in passions and priorities, but really any trained and experienced Coach can help you with this. If there’s someone you resonate with, I’ll be the first to cheer you on!
 

Historically, human beings have never done things on their own. Chores, crafts, expeditions, art were all undertaken jointly. Traditional societies were much more communal than our disconnected, anonymous lives today. We have made a lot of progress, but having lost this support can really hinder us.
 

Therefore, it’s important we use the new support structures our modern society offers. There are groups for almost everything, both online and offline – just look around, google it, talk to people, go to gatherings! And then there’s the whole industry of advice, mentoring, and coaching. You’ll find something that suits you, and it’s vital that you accept this support. It’s in your nature as a human being, so claim it and use it.
 

The time is now! Circumstances will never be perfect. Don’t kill your passion – go for it, set that goal, and then find a way. There’s always a way, as long as you’re determined not to let excuses stop you anymore.

Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work

Positive Thinking, Wild Spirits Coaching

Wait, what? Isn’t positive thinking the cure-all prescribed by countless self-help books and Coaches, including myself?
 

Not quite. Focusing on the positive is indeed beneficial. However, it can be actively harmful to believe that you can change your life by positive thinking only. If you’ve ever done any Coaching with me, you’ll know that mindset is just one of the factors which need to be in place. The same goes for all areas of life.
 

I see the attraction of a formula like: “All it takes is positive thinking”. Humans like simple truths. It’s like someone is offering to solve all your problems at the push of a button.
 

What if I showed you a slightly more complex, but still simple formula that actually works, instead?
 
 

 
 

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1. The framework of positive thinking

 

Many people either don’t bother with this step, because they think it’s not important, or they get stuck in doing this but nothing else. I challenge you to fall into neither of these groups and realise that this is a critical step – there’s a reason why it comes first – but it’ll only give you the results you wish for if you continue with the next steps afterwards.
 

The framework is what you could call the mind’s work. You need to get clear on what it is you want, and put your intention into writing. It’s where goals come into play.
 

Say you need more money. Your goal will be a certain amount of extra cash earned by a certain date (it’s important to give specifics. Vague goals like “more money” don’t work). It might also be to save a particular amount each month.
 

If your goal is to attract the partner of your dreams, state what you want from the relationship. I don’t recommend describing your ideal partner beyond a few general characteristics like kindness and honesty, because love famously often looks quite different from what we were expecting.
 

The most important part of this step is to put your goal into writing. Be as specific as you can and add a deadline to it.
 
 

2. Lighting the fuse

 

Now that you know exactly what it is you’re striving for, you’ve got to kindle a flame underneath your goal. This is where emotions come in. If your goal is only rational and resides in your brain, it won’t do you much good. Incidentally, this is why positive thinking alone doesn’t do much good! If it’s only in your head, you’ll have trouble manifesting your goal in the real world, because the world consists of more than just your rational mind.
 

Ways of getting excited about your goal include to daydream about it, share it with your best friend, go and look at the end result (for instance, if you want a house, you could drive around and look for houses which match your dream, or browse real-estate websites).
 

Infuse some fun and passion into this; the idea is to get fired up whenever you think of your goal! Don’t think that this is silly or inappropriate; emotion is what manifests things. If you are looking for a new job, you may not want to arrive at the interview giggling, but you do want to have a good laugh beforehand so you’ll arrive looking happy, relaxed, and confident.
 

Be playful and creative with this. Whatever you can think of – as long as it works, go for it! And if you have trouble coming up with anything, you may want to consider some Passions Priority Coaching.
 
 

3. Buckling down

 

This is the part most people don’t want to do. It’s what suspiciously looks like work, and often is. You could call it the physical part of making things happen.
 

Quite simply, you need to take action, and it should be focused and consistent. It may seem obvious, but think about it: How many people fall down here? How many times have you made plans in your mind and not followed through? Everyone is guilty of this every now and then.
 

The way to avoid your goals dissolving into thin air here, is to keep working on the first two areas, in the shape of regularly reviewing your goals and making adjustments where needed, and finding your joy and passion for them. This will keep you motivated to put in the actual work.
 

It might not be as easy as simple positive thinking, but it’s definitely not complicated! If you keep the three steps in mind, you’ll be able to pinpoint any issues faster and move past them.

Monday Sparkles: Information Overload vs Action

Information overload, coaching, pursue your passion
A few years back, I went to see Peter Gabriel live (again), and in between two songs he talked about, in his typical insightful way, how these days dictators can no longer get away with “disappearing” people in secret. People will spread the news via the internet to every corner of the earth. He went on to say that ordinary people have never been so powerful, and that we have yet to realise the full extent of that power we hold through modern media.

I’m tickled by the potential, the endless possibilities of this. In a way, I already participate in this with my one-woman freelance business which is conducted through Skype, with people from all over the world, people I never would have connected with if it wasn’t for the internet. Peter Gabriel is right, we have only just scratched the surface of what we can do.

There is, however, a danger inherent in the immediate accessibility of information. That danger is that we will get better and better informed all the time, learn more and more, but fail to actually do anything. And with the constant bombardment from advertising and cute but pointless Social Media stories, we often end up spending a disproportionate amount of time on trivial bits of “news” instead of taking action and living our own lives.
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Information Overload

Have you ever scrolled through Facebook, commented, reacted, clicked and read articles, and suddenly realised you just spent two full hours doing nothing but stare at your computer (or phone)? It’s scary how these things can eat up your time, even if the articles you’ve been reading were actually useful.

Marie Forleo says: “Clarity comes through engagement, not thought.” We try to figure out our lives and move forward, and to that end we tend to collect and consume more information and learning, hoping that this will give us direction and purpose. In reality, though, only action – moving forward, making mistakes, performing course corrections and gaining ever more experience – will give us the clarity we crave.

 

Striking the balance

Some people reject the internet and especially Social Media altogether, but that’s throwing out the baby with the bathwater. I don’t think we should forego all the amazing benefits of the internet just because we can’t restrain ourselves and “overdose” on information. In the following, I give you some steps to take towards sanity and a productive balance between information and action.

Be smart with your online time. I used to have my email open in one tab and Facebook in another at all times when I was at the computer. Every time I saw a new notification or email, I’d interrupt what I was working on and check it out compulsively. It scattered my focus and made my work take twice as long.

These days, I check email and my social media accounts three times a day. When I receive newsletters (yes, I too am subscribed to some newsletters, just like you read Monday Sparkles!), I save them in a special folder and read them in the half-hour I have allocated each day for “educational reading”. I quickly scan through offers and promotions, reply to business and personal emails, look through my social media accounts, respond to comments etc, and then I close these tabs again. Done.

To cut it short: I recommend using the internet, but use it on your own terms and in your own time.

Spend “offline” time with people who matter. I have recently ramped up my work on my Coaching business, and whilst this is one of my passions and lights me up, it also means more time spent on my own, working, because I also have a daytime job. To balance this, I make a conscious effort to have fun in between, and most especially to meet friends “in the flesh” regularly. I often don’t feel like I’m missing something and only afterwards realise how good it’s done me to actually hug and talk to people I love.

To cut it short: Your passions are important, but so are the people in your life. Make sure to spend quality time with loved ones regularly.

Take action. Forget waiting for the right time, or until you’re ready. If you want to do something, start! Get Coaching (the shortcut to action!), get a teacher, do whatever it takes to get into action mode. If you just keep reading and learning about it, you might get smarter but you’re no step closer to actually living what you really want.

To cut it short: Stop overthinking and take a first step towards your goal today. You can thank me later!

Is Today The Day?

 

I don’t know about you, but I love stories of people who completely change their lives or turn around a seemingly impossible situation. What I’ve always found fascinating about such success stories is that there’s usually one particular point, one event (usually rock bottom), which triggers the change:

The day when the electricity got disconnected because of unpaid bills, the person in question decided “enough is enough” and took the risk of starting their own business. Or, the morning her size xyz jeans split, the protagonist realised she could go on like this no longer, and so she finally started getting her health and fitness back. And so forth.

 

When will it be my turn?

For many years, these types of stories set me dreaming. Books like Cynthia Kersey’s Unstoppable are full of them. I used to wonder when my own “Day X” would come around. When would there be a drastic event to make the penny drop and have me realise that I need to get up, get going, and make it happen?

The day never came. And really, why would I even wish for a catastrophic event, just so I could get over myself? They say addicts need to hit rock bottom before they can hope to recover, but you and I aren’t addicts. There’s no need for us to find ourselves lying in the gutter in order to make changes.

It’s much less dramatic – not to mention that it’s not nearly as good a story – to get there by sheer effort and willpower, but that’s what it’s like for most of us. It’s also the reason why so many people remain in “if only” mode all their lives. It’s easy to simply take the comfortable, familiar route if nothing pressing forces you to hack your own path through the jungle instead.

The truth is that “Day X” is in your own hands. Nothing keeps you from making “Day X” happen – today!

 

Make it happen

If, upon reading the above, you responded by listing reasons why it can’t be today (that you’re not ready, you don’t have the money, you need to wait for your bonus or your tax refund or your spouse to come home, or a higher power to give you permission), then please know you are making excuses. Yes, they might be actual obstacles, but for everything you list, I promise you there’s at least one person in the world who has overcome just that “good reason” and succeeded anyway.

It’s really up to ourselves. And while this might be inconvenient, it’s really a good thing because it also means that it’s all in our power and we are in control. In the following, I’ve put together a checklist for you to step up and claim the changes you desire in your life.

  • Make a decision right now. Not tomorrow, not next week – today. At the same time, know that it’s not all-or-nothing. You will experience setbacks and maybe even let yourself down occasionally. It’s normal; it’s even happened to those people who had the “rock bottom” moment, the “Day X” I mentioned earlier. Simply cut yourself some slack and keep plugging away at your goal. ​​​​​​​
  • Stop the excuses. No money to get started / get Coaching / sign up for that degree? If this is something you’ve wanted for a while, go for it anyway. You may have to get creative, and it’ll almost certainly scare you, but it’s worth the risk: You will make the money back as long as you commit to sticking with it. This is especially true for getting support such as Coaching or Education. ​​​​​​​
  • Get a solid support network. I already mentioned Coaching (also remember I’m always up for a chat on Skype, and it’s free!); also look for Mastermind groups. Find a mentor – someone who’s already succeeded in what you’re trying to do. This could be a personal trainer at the gym, a successful entrepreneur if you’re starting a business, or an experienced artist in whatever art you’re pursuing.
  • Promise yourself that you’ll work on your goal(s) every single day. If you are busy or don’t feel well, you can at least do a small, seemingly insignificant thing. It’s vital to do something every day in order to create a habit. This also tells your subconscious that you’re serious about what you are trying to achieve.

Finally, remember joy. This is about creating your life purpose. Feel the passion! This is your adventure, and you might as well enjoy the ride.

 

The above is the lead article in this week’s Monday Sparkles. Join the tribe to receive the full newsletter, exclusive offers and insider info (100% spam free), by filling in the short form below. You will get:

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Having A Great Year Is No Accident

The New Year is well on its way, the festive decorations have been packed away, and you are running out of excuses. Time to ‘fess up: Have you closed off 2016 and set your goals for 2017 yet?

If your answer is a resounding: “no”, or a slightly less resounding “not entirely”, don’t worry, it’s not too late. We’re not even ten days into the new year after all. You could of course argue, that a new year is a somewhat random point for the process I’m suggesting, but if you consider that much of our world is organised around the calendar and around years, it does make sense to align yourself with this rhythm.

No matter when you choose to do this, it’s important to occasionally review your life, close off what you’ve left behind, and plan your next steps. It’s what keeps you aware and conscious, “online” as I call it, and engaged in your life. In the following, I’ll give you a process for doing this; it’s a ceremony I do at the end of every year.

 

Closing off 2016

Many people have nothing but complaints about the year we’ve just left behind. I say, there was good as well as bad, and in any case it is important to formally finish what needs to be closed, and draw a clean line, so you can move forward unburdened. I have developed a little ritual for this process. Here are the steps.

  • First, take some time, maybe half an hour, when you’ll be undisturbed and undistracted. Keep some paper or a notebook ready, and a pen.
  • Set the scene: get comfortable, maybe get a cup of coffee or tea, light a candle if you like.
  • Think back over 2016, month by month. If necessary, take out your calendar as reference. On a piece of paper, write down everything that didn’t go so well in the year past. Disappointments, failures, illness, personal heartache (family troubles or a relationship break-up), other hardship, or simply a bad mood, sadness, or lack of motivation.
  • Take your time with this step. Look over your list, and if necessary, experience the emotions associated once more. Cry if you have to, say angry words you feel you need to say. Then when you feel at peace and ready to move on, tear up the list and burn it (don’t set the house on fire, please! The sink is usually a good place to burn a paper safely).
  • Now remember all the good things that happened. Achievements, new projects, love, good times spent with your friends or family, success, happiness, well-being, arts and crafts, your hobbies and passions. Write them all down.
  • Now look over your list and take time to fully experience the emotions associated with each item. Feel yourself flooded with gratitude. If it feels right, say aloud words of thanks to the universe or God or whatever you believe in.
  • Finally, determine which projects or goals you wish to carry forward into 2017. Write these down on a separate piece of paper.
  • Say: “Thank you for all the experiences and lessons. I am now ready to move on into 2017.”

 

Setting yourself up for 2017

Now it’s time to create your joyful, passion-filled 2017! Are you ready? Here are some helpful steps. For a more detailed guide, refer to your One-Year Goals Workbook and the Goals Worksheet (if you need another copy, email me and I’ll send you one).

  • First, determine where your intentions are for this year. Is there any particular area of your life you wish to focus on? You can pick more than one, but I’d recommend limiting the focus to about two areas in any one year. This might be health, business, finances, family, hobbies, passions…
  • Now pull out the paper where you wrote the goals and projects you wish to carry over from the previous year.
  • Add goals for each area of your life, with particular emphasis on the areas you’ve decided to focus on.
  • Determine a first step for each goal. It can be a small step, something seemingly insignificant, like googling art schools if your goal is to do a course, etc.
  • Schedule your first steps for the following three days. It is absolutely vital to actually complete these first steps within three days, as psychologists have found out. After this period, it becomes increasingly unlikely that you’ll take the step at all.

Once you’ve done all this, reward yourself. It could be a night-out or a special Self-Care session, and it doesn’t have to cost money. You have set yourself up for all possible success in 2017; all that’s left is to follow through and revise your goals regularly.

 

The above is the lead article in this week’s Monday Sparkles. Join the tribe to receive the full newsletter, exclusive offers and insider info (100% spam free), by filling in the short form below. You will get:

  • A weekly newsletter with free Coaching magic every Monday
  • Special offers exclusive to subscribers
  • Insider “behind the scenes” info about Wild Spirits Coaching
  • A free worksheet and the valuable “One-Year Goals Workbook”

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