The New Loneliness (filmed before the COVID-19 crisis)


 

I created this video about six weeks ago, when there were no cases of COVID-19 in my country yet. Re-watching it, I wondered if I should even post it, but it seems strangely relevant, especially the part about the “new loneliness” coming to bite us in the backside once something happens. I hope this will help you (re-)connect with others.
 

Be safe and stay healthy.
 

Abstract:
 

One of the best-kept secrets of our time is what I call the new loneliness. It’s a secret because on the outside, we have more “friends” than ever: connections on social media, “followers” and the like. What we’re missing is actual human connection.
 

What’s this got to do with passions and purpose? A lot. Other humans inspire, help, and unlift us, and connection is a basic need we need to fulfill in order to focus on our passion(s).
 

Your mission is to restore the balance in your life.
 
 

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Task 1: Are you lonely?

 

The change happened so quickly and thoroughly, we have trouble remembering what it was like before. That’s why it’s so hard to recognise whether you’re actually isolated in the midst of all that networking.
 

I’m old enough to remember a time before the internet and even mobile phones. Information was a lot harder to find, so I for one am grateful for modern technology. But I also remember we used to talk. Not chat, not text. Talk.
 

Be honest with yourself: How much meaningful human contact do you have outside your immediate family? How often do you hug your friends? When something amazing happens, what do you do first – post it to social media or pick up the phone to call your bestie?
 

Loneliness

Photo by Thought Catalog on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: Restoring connection

 

When I suggest to a client that they seek out like-minded people, or get help with the household to make time, they often resist. People no longer relate to others in a deep personal way. This manifests as loneliness, expecially when things aren’t going well.
 

Barbara Sher has a great way of bringing people together. I suggest you do the same: Set up a neighbourhood group, or invite your friends to dinner and then start an actually meaningful conversation over dessert. Reduce your online time. Make a point of meeting people face-to-face at least twice a week.
 

It requires a conscious effort, but it’s worth it.

How To De-Frazzle Your Brain, So You Can Concentrate Again


 

3 Steps To Be Able To Concentrate again

 

This is a special edition of Wild Spirits News – I have decided to temporarily discontinue the usual weekly mission videos (there will be one next week, but it has a special relevance), because it just felt off to continue as though nothing had happened. It has, and what has happened affects most people on this planet.
 

Instead, I’m providing my Wild Spirits community with as much in terms of free resources and help as I can. Here’s a brief summary of what I’ve got so far.
 
 

Resources for you

 

  1. Weekly virtual gatherings to practice human connection, now that most of us are stuck in some form of isolation, or at least have far reduced our social contacts. The next one is on Thursday, 26. March, at 8 pm UK/Ireland time, which is 9 pm in middle Europe, 4 pm on the US East coast and 1 pm on the West coast. At that time, you can join the meeting through this link.
  2.  

  3. Most of the support happens via my weekly love letter, aka newsletter, for which you can sign up here (100% spam free!):
  4.  






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  5. A few days ago, I went live on Facebook with advice on how to focus in this new, never-seen-before situation we’re currently in. I’d heard from so many Wild Spirits that they can’t concentrate on anything these days. I know what you mean!
     

    People have told me they found my 3 steps wildly useful, so I’ve uploaded the video here as well – see above. It’s not as structured as your usual weekly “missions”, but it’s to the point. I hope with all my heart that they’ll help.

  6. I’ve freed up more speaces for Coaching. My clients came to me to concentrate on their passion, and now they also benefit from the one-on-one support in times of COVID-19.

 

Stay safe and stay healthy. And if you can find the time at all, pursue your passion more than ever in these crazy times.

4 Things You Need To Stop Doing


 

Abstract:
 

If you want… well, anything you haven’t achieved already, then you’ll need to shape up and do something differently. Your life time’s ticking away, after all.
 

It can be hard to spot the self-defeating behaviours we all engage in, because they’re so universal. Therefore, your mission today is to learn the 4 things you need to stop doing in order to prioritise your passion, find your purpose, and be outrageously happy.

 
 

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1. Stop trying to do it all

 

We’re more connected than ever before. This means no trend escapes our notice. Stop following every latest nutrition fad, exercise trend, and trying to catch every last movie and TV show, whilst being the perfect spouse/ parent.
 

As long as you eat with variety, move your body occasionally, and spend quality time with your loved ones, you’re good. Declutter your schedule and slow the heck down.
 
 

2. Stop comparing yourself

 

Another result of our connected times is that we see more of other people than we’ve ever done before, but we see them online, in pictures and videos that are selected to show only the best sides of everyone. You don’t have to be like anyone other than yourself.
 

stop doing

Photo by Thought Catalog on unsplash.com


 

3. Stop spending your life online

 

If you’re not into social media, you’re not off the hook. TV is just as bad. Whether it’s the internet, the latest talk show or Instagram, you waste away in front of them. This is an addiction and very hard to break, but start by banishing your phone from your bedroom. Take back your time and your life and do what lights you up instead.
 
 

4. Stop barking up the wrong tree

 

You’re working hard, you’re doing evening classes, you’re a member of a book club. That’s great, but when was the last time you checked whether these things are important to you? Our interests change.
 

Make sure you don’t waste time on something that doesn’t light you up.

Success, Love, Happiness: The Missing Piece You Overlook


 

Abstract:
 

Many people I meet would like to do something bold: go travelling, start their own business, dedicate themselves to the loves of their lives.
 

And end up never having enough time, or meeting people who offer lukewarm love rather than undying passion. Instead of doing what lights them up, they work to make ends meet.
 

The truth is, we have it backwards when it comes to creating our lives. Your mission is to learn the missing piece that’ll help you attain whatever you want.
 
 

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Task 1: What’s the missing piece?

 

Success gurus often talk about mindset and people react with cynicism. “Feel rich? I’ll do that when I’ve made my first million,” they’ll say, and that seems reasonable, but really it’s backwards. We need to trust life first and leap in order for the net to appear.
 

Success stories often start with something like: “I had no idea where the money was going to come from,” or: “I had no degree, no experience, I just decided that this was what I was going to do.”
 
 

Task 2: Prepare to heal

 

Sounds great, doesn’t it? In reality, it’s not always that easy. Many of us are hurt or traumatised; we’ve lost our trust.
 

Therefore, take some time to heal. Find friends who understand, join groups, get therapy if old hurts keeps showing up. You don’t need to be perfectly “whole” for this to work; just making the decision to heal can restore you enough for your intuition to work.
 

Missing piece

Photo by silviarita on pixabay.com


 

Task 3: Know when you’re on the right track

 

Now it’s time to dare, trust, take risks – but in a way which feels aligned with your soul and your deepest wishes. Here’s a quick self-test:

  • Do you avoid looking at your bank balance or even thinking about what could happen?
  • Or are you a little nervous and scared, but also deeply happy about what you’re doing?

Learning the difference is a great gift to yourself.

At A Loss? Ask The Right Questions


 

Abstract:
 

A lot of what makes someone a good Coach is asking the right questions. We often think we want something or have a problem, but really the underlying problem or the thing we truly want is something else entirely.
 

Questions can reveal what’s hidden. Obviously, it’s easiest if a trained Coach does this, but if you don’t have one in your pocket right now, you might find the following useful.
 

Your mission is to learn how to find the questions you need to ask in order to move forward.
 
 

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Task 1: Get to the root of it

 

Especially when we’re at a loss or overwhelmed, or simply lacking enthusiasm, we usually can’t see the wood for the trees. It would be counterproductive to ask ourselves to come up with a lofty future perspective on top of everything else.
 

Instead, start with the here and now and ask yourself questions such as:

  • What am I feeling right now?
  • Or even: How does my body feel right now?

Follow this up in whatever way is appropriate, for example if the answer is: “Tense”, ask: “Where is the tension?” -“What would lessen it?”
 

At a loss

Photo by Heleno Kaizer on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: The right questions for the present

 

The questions in Task 1 were designed to fully bring you into the present moment. Now that you’re here, so to speak, you can dig deeper. Obviously, there are a myriad of possibilities when you’re at a loss, but here are a few options to inspire you:

  • How do I feel about this present emotion?
  • What would I like to feel?
  • What do I need to do to bring about this feeling?
  • If I could have one wish right now, what would it be?
  • How much will all this matter a year from now?
  • What could I focus on that’ll make a difference to my life?
  • Who can I talk to about this?

Listen to your answers and take it from there.