How To Kill Any Passion Or Goal

Kill your passion

I can practically hear your protest. “Oh come on. Nobody would kill off their passion. Don’t be silly.” But you see, I beg to differ.
 

This certainly doesn’t apply to everyone, at least not all the time, but most of us have been guilty of killing a goal or passion at least once in our lives. And I see too many people doing this habitually to stay quiet about it. The thing is, you might not even notice that you’re doing it in the first place.
 

What does killing a passion look like? How about these samples:
 

“I’m not a pro, my stuff is really amateurish.”
“I don’t have the time/money/talent.”
“If I didn’t have three kids / 40 pounds to lose / a bad back, I would do it.”
“My partner doesn’t want me to do xyz.”
“I’m too busy now, but once summer/winter is here / the kids are at university / xyz, I will get to it.”
“I’m way too old to begin. You really need to start as a child.”
 

They come disguised as valid reasons, but really they’re excuses. And they kill your passion, by preventing you from pursuing it and feeling the wild joy associated with doing what lights you up.
 

I’m here to tell you: It’s time to cut the cr*p and go for it. No, your job or family aren’t more important. You are more important, because a fulfilled, joyful you living your purpose is what your job or family need most.
 
 

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The excuses list

 

The above quotes are some example of what I refer to as “the excuses list”. It comes with a matching hand gesture, as if opening an old-fashioned scroll to read from it! I’m telling you this because the ability to laugh at ourselves goes a long way towards taking our own excuses a little less seriously. You see, they really aren’t reasons. They’re just what we allow to stand between ourselves and our passion.
 

If you set your mind to it, you can debunk every one of these excuses. For example, I have tendonitis which prevents me from swinging a sword in my strong hand. But I still do archery and I still dance, and I also occasionally swing an axe in my left. Physical impairments can always be worked around – just look at the paralympics!
 

Time is relative, as I explained in many previous articles. And who says you need to be good at something to enjoy it? If you think you’re too old, remember Grandma Moses started painting in her 80s.
 

As for deferring your passion for the sake of your spouse or children: Ask them if they want you to deny yourself the thing you love doing, of if they’d prefer a happy, fulfilled mum or partner. Once you think about it, the answer is so obvious that you don’t even have to ask, isn’t it?
 

Lack of money? There’s an easy fix for that. Don’t take my word for it, just try it and join the others who’ve all made at least twice the cost of the program back within the two months it takes to complete it.
 
 

Get support

 

Finally, don’t do this journey on your own. It doesn’t have to be me you sign up with. I do specialise in passions and priorities, but really any trained and experienced Coach can help you with this. If there’s someone you resonate with, I’ll be the first to cheer you on!
 

Historically, human beings have never done things on their own. Chores, crafts, expeditions, art were all undertaken jointly. Traditional societies were much more communal than our disconnected, anonymous lives today. We have made a lot of progress, but having lost this support can really hinder us.
 

Therefore, it’s important we use the new support structures our modern society offers. There are groups for almost everything, both online and offline – just look around, google it, talk to people, go to gatherings! And then there’s the whole industry of advice, mentoring, and coaching. You’ll find something that suits you, and it’s vital that you accept this support. It’s in your nature as a human being, so claim it and use it.
 

The time is now! Circumstances will never be perfect. Don’t kill your passion – go for it, set that goal, and then find a way. There’s always a way, as long as you’re determined not to let excuses stop you anymore.

Can You Make Money Doing What You Love?

Crafts - make money doing what you love

Can you make money pursuing your passion? I’ve heard all the objections. In fact, I’ve used quite a few of them myself in my time:
 

“I’m not a pro, I can’t charge for this!”
“I love doing it. I don’t need to make lots of money.”
“Charging for it degrades my work.”
“Who would pay this much?”
 

Why do we resist earning money with our passion(s) so much? It’s almost like we prefer to stay in dead-end jobs and meaningless drudgery – well, I know not all of us live that kind of life, but look around yourself and you’ll see how many still do.
 

I believe it’s because we have been so brainwashed into thinking that paid work has to be something we dislike, or at least something we wouldn’t do voluntarily. We’ve come to believe it’s somehow unethical to charge for something we love doing.
 

I call BS. Doing what lights you up is the reason why you were put on this planet. You are here to radiate joy and love, not to suffer in misery. It follows that it must also be possible to live off whatever you earn with your passion.

[bctt tweet=”We’ve come to believe it’s somehow unethical to charge for something we love doing. I call BS.”]

 

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Why not just give your work away?

 

The marvellous Leonie Dawson once wrote an article in which she told a story of one of her mentors, who taught her about charging for her artwork. The rationale was that there is a balance of energy which needs to be preserved. You create your crafts or art, and provide your services, by using all your heart and love and energy on it. Therefore, when you give it away, there needs to be an equal amount of energy flowing back to you: energy in the shape of money.
 

Next time you think you should give your stuff away because you had fun creating it, remind yourself of the balance of energy. Life just doesn’t work with energy flowing in one direction only. There needs to be an exchange, giving and receiving, in order to preserve the natural balance.
 
 

Charge realistic prices

 

Think what a craftsman or a plumber charges per hour, and ask yourself whether your service, or your art or craft, is worth so much less? Your time is your most valuable commodity.
 

For example, when I determine the prices for my Coaching, I don’t just calculate the actual hours of the Coaching sessions with my client, but the many hours preparing and sending emails and materials, as well as the learning and further study I do in order to stay up to date in my field.
 

If you, for example, create jewellery, think of similar pieces sold in a commercial shop and what they cost. Now consider that those pieces are probably mass produced, whereas your work is likely unique and at the very least, handcrafted – this alone is worth a hefty premium! People expect to pay more for unique pieces, so don’t be afraid to ask for a sum which reflects this.
 
 

The nuts and bolts

 

If you are going to give it a go and try to make money with your passion, be sure to build a strong back end before you give up your daytime job. Most people have zero knowledge of business, and this goes especially for creative types.
 

A small online business isn’t rocket science, but you still need to learn about costs, turnover, and profit, about marketing and advertising, and how to budget. I highly recommend investing in yourself there; people often think they’ll save money, but in the end they waste so much more by trial and error.
 
 

Why?

 

Finally, why do I think this is important? Because it’s my deepest belief that you are on this planet to shine, that you are meant to be joyful and live in bliss. It’s your purpose as a human being. You weren’t born to pay bills or buy a suitably upper-class house or car. You weren’t born to reach life’s “milestones” like marriage, kids, job promotion, and retirement like clockwork if that’s not what lights you up.
 

I’ll say it again: You were meant to shine. To shine, you need to do what lights you up. By the natural order of the universe, doing this will provide you with all you need to live. The only caveat is that you need to learn how to do this – by charging enough money and learning how to run a business – because we aren’t taught these things in our schools.
 

Do the work and claim your joy!

[bctt tweet=”You were meant to shine. To shine, you need to do what lights you up.”]

Get Organised Once And For All

I have a friend who does so many things it makes me dizzy just thinking of it. He’s the organiser of a major project whose aim it is to establish the first true eco community in Ireland, tirelessly lobbying and putting together proposals. He’s always attending meetings and conferences and wooing sponsors, as well as scouting out potential sites and keeping interested parties informed. On top of all that, he’s a musician, a teacher, and generally a multi-passionate with a million things going on at any one time.
 

How he manages to stay sane through all this, is anyone’s guess! I develop a slight inferiority complex every time I think about my own need for copious free time to myself. I’m challenged just by trying to work a job and a business, and keeping the focus on my passions at the same time.
 

If you’re among those people who keep resolving to get their stuff together and make room for the right things in life, and never quite seem to manage, this article is for you. I have tried to implement many systems before I found what worked for me, and maybe I can help shorten that journey for you.
 
 

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Know thyself!

 

The first step is to know your own needs and to organise accordingly. Many of my failures came from aspiring to systems that simply didn’t suit my way of thinking and my need for space. Most of us wish sometimes that we could be like my friend I mentioned above. However, we also know by now that comparison is not the way to go. Your life is about you and nobody else.
 

I invite you to sit down and really come clean. How much time are you willing to spend on the “necessities” of life? It’s no use resolving to go to the gym five times a week and have the house spotless every night if you need creative space for yourself after work and also have a family to look after (and this is just an example).
 

I’ve long realised that I’ll never be a 1950s domestic goddess but I like a clear space, and so I do a minimum of housework regularly. I also spend a lot of time doing virtually nothing, and I’ve stopped feeling bad about it. This is gestation time for ideas and projects, as well as processing time for my emotions and experiences. It keeps me sane and happy.
 
 

Ask the right questions

 

A lot of being a Coach is about asking good questions. When it comes to sorting out your schedule in the long run, there are a few particularly interesting ones you should ask yourself, and then answer honestly:
 

  1. Does this give me joy/light me up? If it’s passions related, it should take priority.
  2. Is this task inevitable (such as tax returns; you won’t ever want to do them, but you can’t get around it)?
  3. Will doing this matter a year from now (exercise is just one example of an activity that’ll pay dividends in the long run)?

If you answer “yes” to any of the above, then the task or activity should go into your schedule. If it isn’t, you need to think hard about whether you should really spend time on it.
 
 

To save time, do more

 

Some weeks ago, I mentioned Gay Hendricks’s idea of “Einstein Time” (you can read the article here). Part of this idea is the observation how time seems to expand when you do what you love.
 

Therefore, paradoxically, I suggest you do more in order to have more time. More of the right things, that is! This is why my Coaching focuses on prioritising passions. It quite literally expands time and helps people get all their chores done along the way. I don’t know exactly how it works, I just know it does, every time, without fail.
 

If you feel permanently stressed and pressured, it’s a sure sign that you’re not doing enough of what lights you up. The problem is that most people dismiss the idea of prioritising their passion, thinking they don’t have enough time. In reality, this is the one step that would stop them being stressed in the first place! Try it, and if you need any help, let me know. This is exactly what I specialise in.
 

If you keep these priorities in mind and keep asking yourself the three questions above, you should end up with a schedule you can actually stick to for once. Do this weekly – I suggest either Sunday evening or Monday morning, but any day that suits you is fine – and feel yourself relax into a schedule that makes sense and fits your unique life and needs.

How To Always Have Enough (3 Principles)

Money management

Two things determined my relationship with money when I was growing up, and they both had a devastating effect: A “rich people are greedy” mindset and zero education on money management. Combined, their result was me living in my overdraft, feeling like a victim of my circumstances, and finally going flat broke in my 30s.
 

What followed was no less painful in many ways: I did realise I had to educate myself about money, but there were many systems and approaches which just didn’t work for me. It took years of trial and error to arrive where I am today, secure in my knowledge and my finances and having so much fun with my money.
 

I’d like to save you the rocky road to understanding and managing your finances. Too much of the information available in workshops, books, and on the internet focuses on “frugality”, on where you can penny-pinch and deny yourself. It’s about as appealing as a double root canal without anaesthetics!
 

Here are 3 rock-solid principles you can apply right now to always have enough.
 
 

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1. Abundance, not frugality

 

If you put the search term “money management” or “finances” into a platform such as Pinterest, it’ll spit out a million pins about saving and frugality. Like I said above, it’s enough to make anyone run in the opposite direction, fast.
 

And yet I, too, say that you need to save, ideally 20% of your money. However, I prefer to see this in the context of abundance. My suggestion is to split the amount of money you can save (even if it’s only 10%, or 5% of your net income) into half. One half is “paying yourself”, meaning it gets saved and invested but never touched. This money will pay you interest, and if you do this for a few decades, you can even live on this interest one day. The other half is “saving for spending” and is dedicated to save up for things like a holiday, a car etc – luxury things for yourself.
 

So, again: You do this for yourself, and it’s not at the cost of paying bills or having fun in the shorter term. This is where point 2 comes in:
 
 

2. Focus on pleasure

 

It makes no sense to me to pursue passion and joy, and then take a dry and serious approach to finances. In fact, the true key to abundance in my opinion lies in extending the sense of overflowing love and abundance that you get from prioritising your passion(s), to your money.
 

Don’t make money management a chore. Experiment and find out what gives you joy. For me, it’s online banking – I pull out my phone every day to log into my bank and smile at the money in my accounts. I also glance at my Credit Card to keep track of my spendings.
 

The best way to connect money with pleasure is to allocate 5% of your net income for “Play”. This is money you blow every single month, on things you don’t need but want. Nothing feels more abundant than paying for a round of cocktails in the bar with friends, or buying that piece of jewellery that jumps out to you on a website. Play money is just as important as savings are.
 
 

3. Cut what doesn’t contribute

 

Instead of thinking penny pinching, how about evaluating your spendings from the point of view of what gives you joy? There’s the rent, the heating, the electricity. You enjoy your home, its warmth and having a computer and a fridge, right? So that’s fine. Now go through your more peripheral expenses, such as subscriptions. How much do you use each of those, and do you truly enjoy them?
 

This is how I got rid of my TV years ago. Sure, I enjoy watching a series every now and then, but I can just as well buy the DVDs. TV is one of those things that might give you comfort, but not necessarily joy. In fact, could it be that its comfort prevents you from experiencing the joy your passions would give you? Think about it. It might not be true for you, but it certainly was for me.
 

If you apply these principles, you’ll always have enough. You’ll find you suddenly have money for your passion, for your life, and for those little luxuries that make life even more beautiful.

3 Signs You’re Not As Happy As You Could Be

Happiness

Years ago, I was in a slump. Nothing much ever happened in my life, and I liked it that way – or at least, that’s what I told myself. I wasn’t unhappy, after all! It took me years to figure out that an absence of pain or suffering, doesn’t necessarily mean everything’s all right.
 

It’s incredibly hard to find guidance on this. I myself have discovered that pursuing my passions gives me that buzz that lifts life from ok to amazing, but I never want to give the impression that in order to do things right, you need to be overjoyed all the time. That kind of pressure usually has the opposite effect: it makes you feel miserable, like a failure.
 

Conventional advice would have you believe that getting a good education, then a good job, a family, and then a house, car, and other material possessions, are the key. It’s a fairly universal assumption that “working hard” and achieving these milestones will make you happy. The majority of people ignore the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
 

I’m going to try to look beyond exterior criteria such as money or position in the world. Here are some factors which indicate happiness more reliably than material wealth.

[bctt tweet=”Here are some factors which indicate happiness more reliably than material wealth. https://www.wildspiritscoaching.com/happiness”]

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What is happiness, anyway?

 

I’ve done a lot of research on the subject of happiness, for a course I once offered (which is now an ebook exclusively available for my Coaching clients). It’s a difficult subject to study because happiness is so subjective. Studies have come up with some common ground though.
 

One indicator of happiness seems to be progress. A person who is constantly moving towards goals, regardless even of whether or not they succeed, are generally happier than their fellow humans who spend every evening on the couch. Another criterion is gratitude; apparently, it’s impossible to feel grateful and unhappy at the same time.
 

My personal experience is that happiness is in direct proportion to pursuing my passion. Anything that keeps me from doing so, or harder-to-grasp reasons for me being inactive, are all red flags. I’ve decided to list a few of those, in order to define happiness by the symptoms of its absence.
 
 

Red Flag #1: Food love

 

This isn’t about massages or expensive beauty treatments, although they can go a long way towards appreciating yourself. No, what I’m talking about is much more basic.
 

For me, the way I eat is a sure-fire indicator. When everything’s all right, I crave whole, plant-based foods which give me energy and strength. I do occasionally eat junk food, but this happens once or twice a month, and when I start getting takeaways more often than that, something’s off. Junk food makes me sluggish and lethargic, and I’ve long realised that I subconsciously use it to numb my emotions and hide from the world – and my passion.
 
 

Red Flag #2: Exercise

 

Exercise is related to eating habits. Once I’m low in energy, it becomes almost impossible to kick myself into action. I find excuses, and day after day passes without me moving at all.
 

Plenty of my clients come to me saying they hate exercise but would like to get into a routine because they know it’s healthy. Once they kick themselves into action, they come back gushing: “Oh my god, I’d forgotten how much fun it is!” Isn’t that interesting?
 
 

Red Flag #3: Social life

 

We all have different needs when it comes to socialising. Some are extroverts and relish all company, whereas many introverts prefer one-on-one meetings with close friends. As human beings, we all need a degree of social interaction, though.
 

If I find myself declining invitations and never mustering the energy to drive to an event I’m actually interested in, it means I’m in hibernation mode. Don’t get me wrong: It can be an act of self care to take a few days or a week off to just be alone, but if this continues for a long period of time, there’s something else going on.
 

The challenge with all the above is that the signs are very subtle and tend to creep up on us. And as I said above, if you’re not unhappy, you may tell yourself that all’s well. But really, life can be so much more. You deserve to feel blissful instead of just ok. Get some support and get moving! Once you gain momentum, you’ll be so glad you made the effort.

[bctt tweet=”Life can be so much more. You deserve to feel blissful instead of just ok. https://www.wildspiritscoaching.com/happiness”]