• Stop Worshipping Strength



    Being strong is a great thing. Physical strength helps you in everyday life; mental and emotional strength make you more resilient to the trials of life.

    However, there’s a danger in worshipping strength – in others and ourselves – too much. In our society, there’s almost a cult around strong humans. Just look at most Hollywood movies if you don’t believe me.

    Your mission today is to learn why it’s important to stop worshipping strength – and what to do instead.

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    Task 1: What’s wrong with being strong?


    Of course there’s nothing wrong with it! Someone who survives cancer and manages to keep a positive outlook, is amazing. People who win olympic medals, are admirable.

    But what about weakness? What about people with physical ailments who’ll never be able to run, jump, or ski? What about someone who succumbs to depression and take their own life? Are they bad people?

    The truth is, that strength is needed only when things aren’t right. Our worship of strength almost makes it seem like awful experiences are a good thing. They’re not. It also makes it seem like ease is superficial and silly. It isn’t.

    stop worshipping strength

    Task 2: How to stop worshipping strength


    Nobody should feel bad for being strong – on the contrary. But nobody should feel bad for being weak, either. What we should do is support everyone according to their needs, and work on building a society that leaves nobody behind.

    By all means admire people who are strong, but resist worshipping strength and instead, invite ease into your life. Pursuing passions, doing something for the sole reason that it brings you joy, is contrary to strength worship, and accoring to the cult, they aren’t worth anything because you don’t suffer for it.

    Life does not have to be hard all the time. Look for ease. Let go. Do less. And actively, consciously, and relentlessly pursue what lights you up. Both you and the world in general, could use a breather.

  • What Do You Expect From Life (It’s Probably Not Joy)?

    What do you expect from life?

    An interesting twist on the famous Law of Attraction is the insight that you don’t “get what you think” or even what you feel – although the latter is closer to the truth – you get what you expect. It sounds like a minor distinction at first, but once you truly understand what it means, you’ll realise that this changes everything.

    I’d like to take a closer look at what it means to “get what you expect”, how you can utilise it for yourself, and the role that trauma plays in this. In short, I’ll encourage you to do some introspection, assess your own expectations, and help you adjust them to increase your levels of happiness – and, of course, the time and energy you spend on your passion(s).

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    Not the Law of Attraction again!


    Most of us have watched The Secret or read a book or at the very least, an article. Most have at least a vague idea what the Law of Attraction is about: that what you think, believe, feel, is what you’re likely to attract into your life. Basically, whatever you’re a vibrational match for, will manifest itself.

    Don’t expect me to talk you into believing it, please. The thing with the Law of Attraction is that it works both ways: If you’re convinced it doesn’t work, guess what – it won’t! All I can say is that I know people from all walks of life, some privileged, some definitely not, who use the LoA to great success and have consciously manifested things that can only be called miracles.

    We know thoughts have vibrations – actual, measurable vibrations. So do emotions. We also know that nothing exists in isolation and everything is connected. Studies have proven, over and over, that a patient’s attitude plays a significant role in their chances of recovery. It’s not all that far-fetched to think that at least part of our reality results from, well, us.

    Think, feel, expect


    A skeptic will be quick to point out that thinking of a pink flamingo won’t make one appear (more’s the pity – they’re beautiful!). However, as I mentioned before, thoughts are only the beginning of the process, because repeatedly thinking something influences our feelings, and they’re what manifests, according to The Secret.

    But you see, it’s also where so many people struggle. I’ve manifested quite a lot of what I set out to. At other times, I seemed to do all the work – visualised, cleansed, took action, kept my mood positive, trusted in the outcome – and nothing happened. Zero. Zilch. I’ve heard from others who had similar experiences. Were we all doing something wrong?

    Here’s where newer research comes in, things you can read in publications from the last decade or so. They point out that thinking and feeling are great, but as long as we expect, deep down, something different, we’ll not manifest the thing we’re thinking about. Say, if you do all the classic manifestation work around attracting your ideal partner, but deep down inside you don’t believe you can find love, or that you’re not worthy of it, it’s not going to happen.

    Two lovers at sunset. Is love what you expect from life?

    Why trauma is so very damaging


    Unfortunately, the above is another reason why trauma is so very damaging. As though it wasn’t enough that traumatic experiences linger on in the body and get triggered at every inconvenient moment, they can also severely mess with our ability to manifest what we truly want.

    Once you’ve experienced abuse, either physically or mentally, or the loss of security or any other emotional trauma, it can be next to impossible to truly expect good things in your life. This is why so many of us self-sabotage and also trip up our attempts at manifestation.

    It doesn’t mean you’re beyond help, though. Trauma can be healed, the nervous system can be restored. More importantly, you don’t have to be perfect and completely free of trauma, either. Only just doing the work can give you back enough of your ability to believe that it’s possible and expect your dreams to become reality.

    What you can do


    What does this mean for you and your life, then? Here are a few steps you can take to start manifesting with more ease and achieving what you’d love to have in your life.

    • First of all, examine how you feel most of the time. What’s your overall mood? Watch yourself for a day or two. How much time to you spend feeling genuinely happy? Grumpy? Sad? How many times do you complain?
    • In order to improve your happiness, look at your dreams and goals. Check if you truly believe you’ll achieve them. If you don’t, find a partial goal along the way to your dream that seems more doable for yourself. Focus on that and take the first step towards it immediately.
    • Figure out your passion(s) and go on to radically prioritise them. Nothing else will bring you happiness the way putting your joy first does. It’ll also lead you to your purpose, which is another thing the happiest people are sure about.
    • Next time you use the Law of Attraction, focus less on the visualisation and good-mood parts. Instead, work on clearing the blocks set by your expectations. Work on healing your trauma, and don’t wait until you think you’re perfect; get started and manifest. Practice makes perfect.


    Expect from life the things you want


    Once you learn to make joy the thing you expect from life, joy is what you’ll create. We’re in the habit of expecting not much of anything, and that’s why we experience so much “meh” in our daily lives – our evolutionary negativity bias makes sure of it.

    Try and turn this around and expect joy. Expect abundance. Expect to always have enough time and energy to pursue your passion. The joy will bring you up against obstacles and old beliefs. However, it’ll also point you towards ways of overcoming them. Over time, this will increase your capacity for happiness and make a noticeable difference in your life.

  • The Secret To Beating Procrastination



    You’ll often hear me saying that I haven’t met a lazy person in my life. Most people who say they’re lazy, are simply trying to do too much, or they think they should do more.

    There are many people online who tell you how to change your mindset or get motivated. Whilst these are worthwhile things to do, they’re not necessary for you stop procrastinating.

    Your mission today is to learn the one secret to beating procrastination.

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    Task 1: Check if you perhaps have a point


    I need to say this first, because the last thing I want is to contribute to the modern madness of trying to do everything, all at once, and perfectly. I don’t want anyone to use this video to try and cram even more into their already-full schedule!

    Therefore, your first task is to check whether your procrastination might be trying to tell you something. Could it be that you’re trying to do it all? Work a lot, keep your house clean, look after kids, pursue a passion – it’s no wonder you find yourself dragging your feet.

    The remedy is downsizing. Work less, or get help in the household. Find people to share your passion with. Do less, not more. Your need to procrastinate will disappear.

    beating procrastination

    Task 2: The secret to beating procrastination


    When it comes to procrastination, people will preach about motivation and mindset change. Actually, the best thing to do is much simpler.

    Maybe you know someone who cleans their entire house when they want to avoid having a difficult conversation. They don’t necessarily love cleaning, they just hate confrontation even more. And here’s your secret.

    When I was working through a boring but effective piano course, I had to kick myself into practising. Until I decided that as long as I wasn’t practising, I may as well study grammar. Suddenly I practised!

    Therefore: If you don’t want to do something, find something you want to do even less. It sounds simple, but it really works.

  • The Dance To “Have It All”

    have it all

    “You can have it all, but you can’t have it all at once,” said Oprah Winfrey. The older I get, the more I realise: Truer words have never been spoken. Even Stephen Covey, who advocated for balance in life in his famous The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasised that sometimes, one area of life takes precedence over the others, and that’s completely normal.

    I’m on record pointing out that the balance we all strive for, shouldn’t and can’t be static. The idea that we could somehow do just enough of everything that’s most important to us, indefinitely, is absurd. That’s just now how life works.

    Therefore, it’s time we let ourselves off the hook and realised that the “dynamic balance” I often mention, is the true holy grail: One thing or another taking priority over others, and at other times moving into the background, so that overall, balance is maintained.

    Now the really tough question is: What are the things we should strive to keep in balance? What really should be part of our lives and our priorities? How can we “have it all”?

    I’m glad you asked!

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    Pitfall: Misunderstanding “priorities”


    Most people will agree with Oprah Winfrey’s words quoted above, and say that it’s necessary to prioritise the important things in life. However, it’s important to pay attention to which things are actually mutually exclusive and which are fine co-existing.

    For example, when I speak about prioritising passion(s), people usually assume that this means sacrificing success in one’s chosen career. Or, they assume that money must be unimportant just because I emphasise that prioritising a passion doesn’t mean earning money with it.

    We tend to jump to these conclusions because of our conditioning, because of the world we live in and the way we have been brought up. However, we need to realise that they’re wrong and harmful. Let’s break it down:

    1. As you have seen if you’ve checked out my coaching programs, part of my work with my clients involves setting boundaries at work, learning to say no, and going home on time more often. You may have also seen that rather than resulting in problems at work, my clients regularly get offered promotions or pay rises. That’s because being grounded and centered, being a happy, balanced person, and having strong boundaries are all characteristics of leaders.
    2. Not making money with a passion doesn’t mean that money isn’t important. It only means that money isn’t the only measure of importance in life. Money is great – there’s a reason I’ve been working on my own money management skills and my money mindset for years and even have a coaching program about money. There’s nothing wrong with having or wanting a lot of money, but that doesn’t mean you need to make this money with your passion.


    have it all

    We’re going about it the wrong way


    Modern media, influencers, and all sorts of advisors are screaming at us that whatever they have made their mission, is the most important thing in life. Healthy eating, exercise, meditation, maintaining relationships, careers, family, beauty regimes, leisure activities… If we were to prioritise all of these, our lives would be very stressful.

    Let me rephrase that: Because we try to prioritise all (or most) of them, our lives are very stressful. Our efforts are also doomed to fail, which makes us feel terrible. At times, and with some people, they lead to the opposite phenomenon, which is inertia and the total inability to get anything done. And no matter on which side of the divide we fall, we feel like we should be doing more.

    I’ve pointed out before that never in history have we had this weird expectation to do it all, and perfectly. I repeat, it’s not possible. Granted, some people come pretty close – but if you really look at their lives, not through the filter of social media but their actual, everyday lives, you realise quickly that their schedules are so rigid and regulated, it’s not what most people would call a recipe for happiness.

    The importance of alignment


    So how do you choose what to prioritise? I suggest taking a look at your values and the things that truly matter to you.

    What’s most important in your life? When you ask yourself this question, try not to answer in the way that you think is expected of you. You don’t have to say “my family” or “my children” – of course they’re important, but they don’t have to be your reason to exist! It doesn’t make you a bad spouse or parent if your list is topped by different things.

    If you’d like to know mine: Freedom and independence are my top values and also my top priorities. I want to live in different countries and regularly meet the people I love, which are also one of my priorities. Another is, unsurprisingly, my passions, especially music and coaching.

    In practice, this has led to a life with a lot of downtime. I try to create plenty of space for my passions. I have bought a small house last year, but I don’t have any pets of my own any longer because that would be a problem when I spend months every year elsewhere, or spontaneously want to stay the night at a friend’s or a lover’s house.

    The life I’m building requires a deal of money, and so I’m currently focusing on upgrading my money game, which is a lifelong process (I’ve spoken about this in my vlog this month). So that’s another priority.

    Everything else, such as my health, fitness, my family etc., are also important, but not priorities. I give them their due, because I love my family and obviously, my health makes this life of mine possible, but my focus is elsewhere. And I refuse to feel bad or guilty about that.


    Don’t “have it all”, have the right things


    The conclusion to it all is that I can’t tell you what to do. Well in fact, I can: I’ll tell you to prioritise what lights you up. But what that is, and what else in your life needs to be a priority, is up to you to decide.

    Do a bit of soul searching, and please, please resist the pull towards “perfection”. It’s not how humans were meant to be, and it doesn’t make us happy. I’d go so far as to call it the disease of our modern times! Resist, downsize, and focus on what matters to you. Your happiness levels will soar.

  • The 3 Most Effective Tools For Change



    Change is a charged word. People resist it, or crave it, are afraid of it, or don’t know how to go about it.

    I often say that the best definition of a coach is “agent for change”. Rather than teaching people or telling them what to do, a qualified coach uses tools and processes designed to bring out a person’s best potential and thereby helps them change their life.

    Since it’s my qualification and experience, I’m an expert at what works and what doesn’t. Your mission today is to learn the most effective tools for change that I – as a coach – know.

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    Task 1: Start with First Aid


    Before I tell you the most effective tools, we need to address the elephant in the room: What to do if you really, truly need change, now.

    Imagine an emergency doctor faced with a bleeding accident vicitm, and starting to lecture them about road safety, seat belts, and taking breaks to avoid fatigue whilst driving. All this stuff is important and can prevent accidents, but right now the patient has injuries that need to be taken care of first.

    How do you know? If you’re tempted by “fix everything” offers that you know are too good to be true, it’s a sure sign that you need to fix your pain first. Address it, even if it’s a temporary bandage. Get a different job, leave your relationship, downsize your life, breathe.

    You can only create meaningful, long-term change when you’re no longer in acute pain. This is a mistake many people make.

    tools for change

    Task 2: The most effective tools for change


    Here’s what does work, and makes the most profound difference in my long experience.

    1. Baby steps. Yes, this sounds counter-intuitive, but taking small steps beats dramatic gestures any day. Change is a marathon, not a sprint.
    2. Accountability. This is a big part of coaching. Set yourself action goals, not just research, but something you need to do for your desired change. Find a way – a person (or a coach) – to hold you accountable.
    3. Rest. This takes on many forms: severely reducing social media, TV, and Netflix and the like, actually doing nothing, getting enough sleep…

    All the above are generally vastly underrated. They are the best-kept secrets when it comes to change, though! Now you know them.