Failure Isn’t Permanent: 3 Ways To Normalise Mistakes


 

Abstract:
 

Imagine a 10-month-old pulled themselves to a standing position, took a step, fell over and thought: “Apparently, I’m rubbish at this walking thing. I’ll just leave it to those who are better at it.” Haha!
 

Actually, we learn how to walk by trying and failing, until we don’t fall as much and finally, hardly at all. Fast-forward to adulthood, and we’re suddenly anxious to do everything right and never fail at anything, ever.
 

This is crippling our success and our joy. Your mission today is to find out why this happens, and how to normalise failure to become much happier.
 
 

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Task 1: Why we are afraid to fail

 

As stated above, kids have no trouble being crap at something. So when do we learn to be ashamed of mistakes? Answer: in school.
 

Our educational system is built on punishing mistakes. Think of every quiz that has ever been graded: It had every mistake marked with red ink, and the number of mistakes determined the score at the bottom! Is it any wonder we’re terrified of failure?
 

failure isn't permanent

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Task 2: Failure isn’t permanent

 

We all know that failure isn’t permanent, but what we think isn’t what makes us anxious. The fear of failure is deep inside our subconscious mind and usually comes from our school years.
 

It take persistence to overcome this. Here are 3 ways to get started:

  1. Give yourself permission to fail. Next time you do something wrong, take a deep breath and say “it’s ok.” Stop yelling at yourself.
  2. Consciously seek out something you suck at. Many don’t pursue a passion because they think they’re not “good enough”. Do something badly and have fun. Be a clumsy beginner.
  3. Create safe spaces for failure at work and at home. Encourage people to come clean and see mistakes as opportunities for growth.

These measures take time to show effect, but it’s worth it. You’ll increase your enjoyment of life and your willingness to risk trying something new.

First Perfection, Then Total Inertia – Is This Your Pattern?


 

Abstract:
 

Whether it’s healthy eating, exercise, or even prioritising a passion, many of us have an unhealthy cycle going on: We have perfect days, weeks, even months where we’re “good”, followed by complete inertia. That’s when we fall off the wagon, binge Netflix and undo all the good work we’ve achieved before.
 

In today’s mission you’ll learn why you keep falling into this pattern and how to prevent it from happening again.
 
 

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Task 1: Why perfection isn’t perfect

 

“I was so happy! I had loads of energy and couldn’t wait for my run every morning,” said my client. She couldn’t comprehend why she would sabotage herself by stopping.
 

The reasons for this are manifold, but none of them have anything to do with your willpower or intelligence. So Task 1 a) is to let yourself off the hook!
 

In fact, there are psychological reasons for your behaviour. We all have deeply rooted beliefs that stem from our childhood. Perhaps we’ve internalised a parent’s or teacher’s voice, and this make us very conflicted:

  • We want to be “good”
  • At the same time, we want to rebel

If this seems silly, consider that capable, intelligent people have been known to start drinking or abusing drugs again long after becoming clean. It’s a very real obstacle.
 

perfection then inertia

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Task 2: Break the pattern of perfection, then inertia

 

It’s time to turn it around. This means letting go of both states: The overly perfection and the total inertia. So what to do instead?
 

There are several components to this. I’m listing a few for you to get started:

  • Let go of the seductive simplicity of “everything changes, now!” Too much at a time invites failure. Implement one tiny step at a time.
  • Simplify the rest of your life. Reduce your online time, cancel social obligations.
  • Take plenty of time for yourself, to do whatever you please (even binge Netflix)
  • Practice Self Care regularly.
  • Schedule time for what lights you up.

Are Your Dreams Really Your Own?


 

Abstract:
 

A major value in our modern society is individualism. Almost everyone will proudly proclaim that they’re their own person, free and independent of other people’s opinions.
 

This narrative is so central to our culture that it’s hard for us to recognise and acknowledge to what extent we really are influenced by others. Your mission today is to find out what your dreams are like without anybody else’s influence.
 
 

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Task 1: Examine your dreams

 

To do this, you must first of all come to terms with the fact that yes, you are a product of the society you grew up in. Realise this isn’t a bad thing; humans need other humans to survive and thrive.
 

Acknowledge this and realise which part of your dreams and goals may be influenced by society. This is not to eliminate them! It’s simply important to have clarity about the origins of what you wish for.
 

Some examples of society’s norms and the goals based on them are:

  • Loving one’s family above everything else.
  • Finding your passion and making it your living.
  • Getting married and having kids.
  • Advancing in your job.
  • Material possessions such as a house, car etc.

your dreams

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Task 2: Navigate the unfamiliar

 

Again, wanting these things isn’t a bad thing, nor does it make you uncool. To a certain extent, it’s part of being human. We’re social beings and much as our upbringing contradicts it, we do depend on the group to survive.
 

Rather, once you realise you really do want something, it becomes unimportant whether anyone else wants it or not. You become sure of yourself. You feel calm, centered, purposeful.
 

Finding your true dreams can feel very unfamiliar at first, so be patient with yourself! Here are a few questions you might ask to identify them:

  • If money was no object and everyone I love was perfectly taken care of, what would I do every day?
  • Where would I live?
  • Who would I live with, if anyone?
  • What passion(s) would I pursue?
  • How would I contribute to society?

The answers give you clues on what truly meaningful goals might look like for you.

How To Find Your Purpose When You’re Aimless


 

Abstract:
 

People often tell me they don’t think they have a purpose: “I’m far too aimless,” or: “I just take life as it comes.” Others are multi-passionates and can’t believe that everything in their lives would come down to just one thing.
 

These statements are based on a few misconceptions which I’d like to help clarify for you. Your mission is to learn the way to your unique life purpose.
 
 

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Task 1: Your purpose is not what you think

 

Teachers and coaches often equate purpose with a job or something you do in life. This is why so many people think that purpose is not for them. They have multiple interests and frequently change direction.
 

The thing is, purpose is not something you do. Instead, purpose is the underlying reason why you do what you do.
 

Others believe your passion must be your purpose, but that’s not true either. The reason why I suggest prioritising passions in order to find purpose is that the frequency of pure joy is what leads you to your purpose. It opens you up to the required type of deep insight.
 

purpose aimless

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Task 2: From aimless to filled with purpose

 

There’s more to this, and that’s the fact we’re never taught to have goals in life. Most people live by default and react to what’s happening to them, rather than taking charge and creating their lives. This is one thing coaching has taught me, long before I studied to become a coach myself.
 

Signs coaching might be good for you include:

  • You feel aimless
  • There are things you’ve been meaning to do for a long time
  • You don’t know your passion
  • You don’t know your purpose

The way to go about finding your purpose is to dare make your joy a priority. The easiest way to do this is through your passions, because this doesn’t require another person, it’s 100% you who creates your joy. You need this pure “you” energy to uncover your purpose.
 

I wish you a magical journey!

Where Do You Spend Your Attention (As Opposed To, Your Time)?


 

Abstract:
 

I often challenge people to tally up the hours they spend on work, sleep, family, social media, and of course their passions each week. It can be quite an eye-opener.
 

However, it’s really a little more complicated than that. Time spent doesn’t mean you’re engaged with what you’re doing, as every daydreaming child in school could tell you. In fact, where you spend your attention and therefore your energy, is what truly matters.
 

Your mission today is to make sure your energy is in the places that are best for you.
 
 

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Task 1: Where’s your attention?

 

I already mentioned the daydreaming student, but it’s really not just children. How many of us have sat in a meeting, miles away and doodling whilst pretending to listen?
 

Further examples of this may be:

  • You’re at work, but on social media or planning the shopping for your dinner.
  • Perhaps you’re pursuing your passion but your thoughts are with a relationship problem.
  • You’re in love and whatever it is you do, you only think of the one you’re in love with.

None of these examples are meant to be “negative”, by the way, they’re complely normal. Simply notice how often your attention is not with what you’re doing.
 

attention and time

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Task 2: From time and attention to priority

 

The first task served to show that you’re already spending your attention not necessarily on what you do, but what’s important at this time, but you’re doing this subconsciously. Task 2 is to use this mechanism on purpose.
 

On average, there’s room for 3 or 4 priorities in a life. Say, yourself, your relationship, your children and your passion. I challenge you to spend your attention there.
 

I’m not suggesting to daydream your days away at the office. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t live and breathe and get emotionally entangled in things that aren’t a priority. Also, make both time and spend attention/energy on the things that matter to you – without feeling guilty.