4 Things You Need To Stop Doing


 

Abstract:
 

If you want… well, anything you haven’t achieved already, then you’ll need to shape up and do something differently. Your life time’s ticking away, after all.
 

It can be hard to spot the self-defeating behaviours we all engage in, because they’re so universal. Therefore, your mission today is to learn the 4 things you need to stop doing in order to prioritise your passion, find your purpose, and be outrageously happy.

 
 

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1. Stop trying to do it all

 

We’re more connected than ever before. This means no trend escapes our notice. Stop following every latest nutrition fad, exercise trend, and trying to catch every last movie and TV show, whilst being the perfect spouse/ parent.
 

As long as you eat with variety, move your body occasionally, and spend quality time with your loved ones, you’re good. Declutter your schedule and slow the heck down.
 
 

2. Stop comparing yourself

 

Another result of our connected times is that we see more of other people than we’ve ever done before, but we see them online, in pictures and videos that are selected to show only the best sides of everyone. You don’t have to be like anyone other than yourself.
 

stop doing

Photo by Thought Catalog on unsplash.com


 

3. Stop spending your life online

 

If you’re not into social media, you’re not off the hook. TV is just as bad. Whether it’s the internet, the latest talk show or Instagram, you waste away in front of them. This is an addiction and very hard to break, but start by banishing your phone from your bedroom. Take back your time and your life and do what lights you up instead.
 
 

4. Stop barking up the wrong tree

 

You’re working hard, you’re doing evening classes, you’re a member of a book club. That’s great, but when was the last time you checked whether these things are important to you? Our interests change.
 

Make sure you don’t waste time on something that doesn’t light you up.

Success, Love, Happiness: The Missing Piece You Overlook


 

Abstract:
 

Many people I meet would like to do something bold: go travelling, start their own business, dedicate themselves to the loves of their lives.
 

And end up never having enough time, or meeting people who offer lukewarm love rather than undying passion. Instead of doing what lights them up, they work to make ends meet.
 

The truth is, we have it backwards when it comes to creating our lives. Your mission is to learn the missing piece that’ll help you attain whatever you want.
 
 

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Task 1: What’s the missing piece?

 

Success gurus often talk about mindset and people react with cynicism. “Feel rich? I’ll do that when I’ve made my first million,” they’ll say, and that seems reasonable, but really it’s backwards. We need to trust life first and leap in order for the net to appear.
 

Success stories often start with something like: “I had no idea where the money was going to come from,” or: “I had no degree, no experience, I just decided that this was what I was going to do.”
 
 

Task 2: Prepare to heal

 

Sounds great, doesn’t it? In reality, it’s not always that easy. Many of us are hurt or traumatised; we’ve lost our trust.
 

Therefore, take some time to heal. Find friends who understand, join groups, get therapy if old hurts keeps showing up. You don’t need to be perfectly “whole” for this to work; just making the decision to heal can restore you enough for your intuition to work.
 

Missing piece

Photo by silviarita on pixabay.com


 

Task 3: Know when you’re on the right track

 

Now it’s time to dare, trust, take risks – but in a way which feels aligned with your soul and your deepest wishes. Here’s a quick self-test:

  • Do you avoid looking at your bank balance or even thinking about what could happen?
  • Or are you a little nervous and scared, but also deeply happy about what you’re doing?

Learning the difference is a great gift to yourself.

Break The Vicious Cycle Of Perfectionism And Fear Of Failure


 

Abstract:
 

One thing almost every one of my clients has in common is a belief that they somehow fail at life. I usually spend a lot of time assuring them that they’re doing well.
 

There are many aspects to why we feel bad about ourselves, but a lot of it has to do with the modern world of interconnectedness and the way we see so much apparent “perfection” on social media. Our competitive upbringing is to blame as well.
 

Your mission today is to learn how to break the cycle of perfectionism, fear of failure, and security thinking.
 
 

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Task 1: Where does our perfectionism come from?

 

I believe a number of factors work together here: We’re brought up in the spirit of competition (who’s best in class, who’s the fastest in sports…). We’re also taught to fear mistakes (that’s how school exams are graded by, after all).
 

By the time we’re grown, we’re conditioned to fear mistakes and compare ourselves with everyone else. Our parents and grandparents had their neighbours or colleagues to compare themselves to – thanks to social media, we have hundreds of people plus celebrities! No wonder we feel like we don’t measure up.
 
 

Task 2: Learn to recognise the consequences

 

All this has consequences we’re not even aware of a lot of the time:

  • We look to feel secure, and that means playing it small.
  • No risks or new ventures we might be “bad” at.
  • Perfectionism and the fear of visibility.
  • Overachieving and burning out.

Perfectionism

Photo by Couleur on pixabay.com


 

Task 3: Break the cycle

 

You may have guessed by now that breaking this cycle of perfectionism and fear of failure isn’t a quick or easy task. It’ll require long-term commitment. Here are some easy first steps to get you started:

  • Try not to judge anyone for 24 hours (people you know, politicians, …).
  • Meditate on the concept that everything is worthy just by being.
  • Look for ways of celebrating other people’s successes. Notice your feelings.
  • Take regular breaks from social media.

Set Some DUMB Goals


 

Abstract:
 

Happy New Year and decade! I hope you’ve arrived well in the 20s. I have, and I suspect it’s going to be a rocking, sexy, amazing decade.
 

To make sure of that, I’ve set some goals. Now, you’ve all heard of “SMART” goals, but I’m going to suggest you go against the grain. Your mission today is to set some DUMB goals and then set yourself up for achieving them.
 
 

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Task 1: Learn about DUMB goals

 

“Smart” goals have been invented for a corporate environment. The method is reasonable and rather uninspiring. In recent years, there’s been a cheeky counter-movement in the Coaching community, called DUMB goals:
 

Daring – Forget being realistic. Reach for the stars.
Uplifting – If it doesn’t give you butterflies, what’s the point?
Magnificent – Bigger goals inspire more than small ones.
Brave – Life’s too short to play it safe.
 
 

Task 2: Set the right goals for you

 

This is meant to give you goals that excite you, rather than feel like a chore. For example, in the category “health”, you may have set the SMART goal to reduce your body fat by 5% in six months. A DUMB goal might be to eat and move in a way that makes you burst with energy and feel your best instead.
 

Go through each of the categories: Health, Finances, Job/Business, Relationships, Spirituality, Passions, and audit the goals you set. If needed, spruce them up with the DUMB principles.
 

dumb goals

Photo by Jane Carmona on unsplash.com


 

Task 3: Make it fun

 

You know I always tell you to do the first step within 72 hours. I’m still telling you this, but now your challenge is to find something to do that inspires you, rather than just some mechanical first step. Look at each goal and determine something you could do that’s fun, something you’ll look forward to.
 

Write down these first steps and schedule them today, tomorrow, or the day after. If it’s not in your calendar, it isn’t real! And then get going.

Get Ready For The 20s – Part I


 

Abstract:
 

Every year around this time, posts on social media proclaim it’s been the worst year ever, and the next is going to be great. Some do this year after year, without realising that change is up to themselves in many cases.
 

Your mission is to review the ending decade, and to get ready for the 20s.
 
 

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Task 1: The good and the bad

 

For this task, write down all your personal highlights of the last 10 years: A dream job, wedding, a great holiday etc. Make it at least five for the decade, but not much more than one per year. Also note which year these things happened, or started, in.
 

Next, you do the same for the low points of the decade. Again, find between five for the whole decade, and one per year. Write them down by year.
 
 

Task 2: The timeline

 

Now you create a graph. On the horizontal axis, write the years 2010-2019. On the vertical one, the numbers 1-10. Anything above 5 is a positive event, anything below is negative.
 

Enter the highlights you noted down in Task 1, according to their year and how amazing they were (between 6 and 10). Then connect the dots – quite literally – to create a graph of all the best times this past decade.
 

Next you do the same with the low points. Connect these into a graph line as well.
 

the 20s

Photo by Paul Gilmore on unsplash.com


 

Task 3: Gratitude and lessons for the 20s

 

Looking at your graphs, write down what you’re grateful for. The things you enjoyed, the highlights, maybe even some good outcomes from an initially low point in your life.
 

Next, write down the lessons you’ve learned. Think about how you were ten years ago, and how you are now. In what ways have you changed as a result of what happened? What have you learned?
 

Take your time with this. Also, save your paper, because you’ll need it in the second part, which will set you up for the 20s.