• You Are What You Become Emotionally Involved With

    emotionally involved

    You are what you eat! say the clean-eating gurus.
    You are what you think about! say the Law-of-Attraction teachers.

    Neither are wrong, exactly. I know from experience that the food you eat has a huge impact on how you feel, not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. The manifestation/attraction process indeed begins with one’s thoughts. And yet, somehow I always knew that the above statements only tell part of the full story.

    Then during a training with Bob Proctor, the penny dropped. He said: “You are what you become emotionally involved with.” I immediately knew that this was it. It’s what I had been struggling to put into words. And the ramifications of this seemingly innocent sentence are manifold.

    Let me show you.

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    Disclaimer: No, you don’t have to feel good all the time


    I keep saying, writing, and teaching it, and I will continue to do so until I’m blue in the face and you’re sick of hearing it: None of this means that you must always feel good, or that you’re sabotaging yourself and/or your happiness when you feel angry, sad, or down.

    Emotions are there to be experienced. When you lose someone you love, of course you’ll be mourning. It’s the natural way of things, and it’s not going to sabotage anything – otherwise, anyone who manifests with ease would be a cold-hearted monster. They’re not.

    This is why I like Bob Proctor’s way of saying it so much. Years before, it was Lynn Grabhorn who first pointed out that it’s the feelings that matter for manifestation, not the thoughts (read her milestone book Excuse me, your life is waiting).

    However, saying that it’s about feelings doesn’t go far enough and leaves room for interpretation and mistunderstandings like the above – that somehow, in order to manifest happiness and success, you can’t ever feel anything we label “negative”. And that’s rubbish.

    What does “emotionally involved” mean?


    Emotionally involved is not just feeling an emotion. We all “feel”, all day long. We’re happy, sad, angry, curious, bored, content, joyful, and frustrated. We laugh and we cry. We mourn, we celebrate. If all of this resulted in major manifestation or determined our character, we and our lives would be kaleidoscopes of ever-shifting shapes and colours.

    This is why you needn’t worry or feel guilty about not feeling great about something. Putting obstacles in our way is life’s way of teaching us what we need to learn, and life’s not known for being particularly subtle about it. So if you’re reeling from a setback or loss, join the club. You’re not failing, you’re not being punished – you’re simply alive. Now go and feel your emotions.

    “Involved” is something else. Emotionally, it’s the equivalent of getting serious about a relationship. You may be dating, you may even have a fling. You might get a little starry-eyed about someone. But once you feel your feelings solidifying, becoming stronger and steadier, you’re getting involved.

    The same goes for everything else in life.

    flying kite

    Examples of emotional involvement


    To put all this in more practical terms, I’ll give you a few examples.

    Person A has a stressful job and often works overtime. That’s what makes her come alive; she’s “married to her job” and gains great satisfaction from meeting tight deadlines, living the company values, and gaining her managers’ approval.

    Person A is clearly emotionally involved in her job.

    Person B is also a dedicated employee with a great work ethic. When she’s in the office, she focuses on her work 100%. However, where Person B’s heart truly lies is in tennis, and so she sets clear boundaries around work-life balance. She trains several evenings a week and spends most weekends at regional tournaments.

    Although Person B spends far fewer hours playing tennis than working, her emotional involvement is with tennis.

    This is why passions are key


    Are you beginning to see why I promote prioritising passions? And why it doesn’t matter whether or not you give up your job and/or make your passion a source of income? Or how good or bad you are at it?

    If you can choose what and who you are, and shape yourself according to what you get emotionally involved with – why would you pick something stressful and cut-throat? Passions bring you joy. They make you overflow with happiness and ooze love from every pore. That’s something worth becoming, wouldn’t you agree?

    Before you ask: If we’re going to stay with the relationship metaphor, then no, you don’t have to be monogamous with what you’re emotionally involved with. You can have a happy relationship and adore your kids, and still put a passion front and centre as well. You’re emotionally involved with all of these, and they make you who you are.

    emotionally involved

    What does this mean for you?


    It means that you can choose what you become emotionally involved with. A while ago, I had you do an exercise where you added up the hours you spent on sleep, work, chores, passions etc. each week. This exercise is a great start and gives you some hints on your priorities. But it doesn’t tell the whole story.

    The more accurate measure is your emotional involvement. You can be a good employee and work hard, but there’s no need to dedicate your whole life to your job. Pick and choose what you’d like more of in your life, how you would like to be and become. These are the things you should dive into with all your heart and soul.

    P.S. Don’t worry about doing well at work: Person B above will get promoted long before Person A. Because happy people with a strong sense of self and strong boundaries make great leaders, they tend to be recognised in the workplace, often ahead of their overtime-working colleagues. Think about it!

  • Find Your Purpose In 2022



    This is a time when many people take stock and make plans for the new year. It also helps to close off the old year, so if you haven’t done this yet, check out this ritual!

    You may have been here before. You set goals, and perhaps you successfully implemented them. But maybe you’re still missing the “big picture”, a kind of overarching sense of purpose that pulls your life together.

    Your mission is to learn how to find purpose in 2022 and gain a whole new level of happiness.

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    Task 1: How you don’t find purpose


    To learn how to go about discovering your purpose, it helps to know how not to go about it. I’m making this its own task because there’s so much bad advice floating around on the internet.

    First of all – as I’ve said before – your purpose is not something you do. It’s not a job or a particular work. No, a purpose is why you do what you do. Your purpose is linked to who you are at your core, and may be expressed by the work you do, but it is never that work itself.

    find your purpose in 2022

    Task 2: Find your purpose in 2022


    As you may have guessed, finding purpose requires a lot of soul searching. You need to dig deep and get to know your innermost motivations and values. Here are 3 ways in which to discover your purpose.

    1. Align every part of your life with your values. This includes work, lifestyle, and behaviour.
    2. Take a Coaching program. My signature program “The Magic of Purpose” includes all areas of your life, with a big emphasis on your passion(s) and on finding your purpose.
    3. Radically downsize your life and concentrate on your passion(s) this year. Focusing on joy is a guaranteed way of getting in touch with your purpose. One day you’ll simply know the Why.


  • Vlog 11: Winter Solstice In My Cottage In Croatia


    Winter Solstice, snow, and a New Year’s day trip

    It’s been over a month, so there’s lots to tell! I spent a cosy festive period (actually, mostly at home, due to the Covid infection numbers where I live) but went for a drive to one of the most scenic places in Croatia on New Year’s Day.

    In between you’ll see the first snow of the winter, the winter solstice sunrise, and New Year’s Eve fireworks! I hope you’ll enjoy it.

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    winter solstice


    I hope you had a lovely holiday season yourself, and a great start into 2022! Let me know in a comment on YouTube.

  • A Ritual To Close Out The Year



    Have you ever planned on changes for the coming year, and then a year or two down the line you realised that things have stayed the same? It’s happened to almost everyone.

    I’d like to offer you an alternative: A way to consciously close out the year, that’ll help you let go of what you’d like to leave behind, preserve what’s good and beautiful, and learn what you need to learn in order to make 2022 amazing.

    Your mission today is to prepare a little ritual to close out the year.

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    Task 1: Close out the year: The good and the bad


    The first thing to do is to create a safe, comfortable space for your ritual. Light a candle, maybe put on some soothing music. Get comfortable and take one or two deep, calming breaths.

    On a piece of paper, write down everything that didn’t go well in 2021. Also write down what you wish to let go of. Re-read the list, feel all the feelings associated with it. Then when you’re ready, tear up the list and throw it out or burn it.

    Then write down all the things that went well, on a separate piece of paper. Spend as much time as you wish on re-living these things. Place the paper next to your candle.

    close out the year

    Task 2: The year ahead


    Now it’s time to take another deep breath and a third piece of paper. On it, write down things you’d like to do in 2022. Focus on things that bring you joy, that feel exciting.

    Also look over your list of good things in 2021 and include as much of it as you can. Then pick one step towards one of your goals, and take that step within the next 24 hours. Close off your ritual with a spoken affirmation, such as: “I work towards achieving these goals to the best of my ability and with the best intentions for everyone involved.”

    Then blow out the candle. Save your goals and review regularly throughout the year.

  • What’s Your Drug Of Choice? (Try Passions Instead)

    your drug of choice

    It’s the same dance every year: At the end of November, my email inbox fills with every newsletter I’ve ever subscribed to, screaming at me about “Black Friday” offers. A few weeks later, it’s the after-Christmas sale. Marketing seems to be in overdrive at this time of the year.

    I’ve always made a point of not offering anything special in November and December. There’s a reason I say my newsletter is 100% spam free! I love selling my offers – they change lives, after all – but I want to make sure they benefit people, and I refuse to take part in the rampant blind consumerism around Black Friday.

    Why? Because I myself never buy anything on Black Friday. It’s a day I spend at home. I have an aversion to it because it makes people overspend and it produces a lot of unnecessary waste. But there’s another, deeper reason as well, one that I’d like to draw your attention to.

    This reason could be summed up as “covering up what we’re missing” with our drug of choice. Allow me to explain.

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    Consumerism as a drug


    Humans are competitive and love to compare themselves to others. But have you ever wondered why that is so? Why do people feel inferior if their neighbour has a bigger house or a faster car? Why do they love showing off their slim, well-trained figure and expensive clothes?

    Let me give you a hint: Imagine someone who’s so happy, they’re fit to burst. They want to shout it off the rooftops. They overflow with joy. What else they feel, does depend a little on their personality, but for the vast majority of people, it’s a variation of: “I wish everyone could be as happy as I am now” (or at least: “I wish [XY person] could be as happy as I am”, XY being someone they love).

    People who are filled with joy – not enjoying a brief moment of success or accomplishment, but a lasting, substantial happiness – couldn’t care less about what their neighbour has or does. If anything, they want to share their joy; mostly, they’re simply too happy to care whether someone else is better or richer.

    The opposite is true, too: If you don’t have something in your life that fulfills you completely, you’re more likely to be tempted by consumerism. It’ll provide that sought-after high of feeling like you measure up, if only for a short time.


    What’s your drug of choice?


    Once you’ve realised that people subconsciously use consumerism to fill an empty space in themselves, you’ll soon begin to understand that it doesn’t end with shopping or comparing themselves to others. People use all sorts of things to numb what’s missing in their lives. I’ll give you a few examples.

    A big one in our society is relationships, especially romance. Look at Hollywood or mainstream romance novels, and it’s hard not to notice that many of them are selling – hard – the idea that falling in love with “the right person” will fulfill you and make your life complete. It’s also a big reason why so many relationships don’t last. We expect our partner to fill that emptiness in us, when really we’re the only ones who are capable of filling it.

    Work is another drug of choice. People throw themselves into their careers – or alternatively, into creating the best ever family home – almost to the exclusion of everything else. Of course we all need to make a living, but many people go far beyond the necessary to gain recognition and success. Many regret it later in life.

    Look at your own life, and be very honest with yourself. What are your actual priorities, those you spend most time and energy on? It could be being busy and occupying every moment with activity, or shopping, or even your children (of course children are and should be important; but if they’re the main reason for their parents’ existence, it’s not actually good for them. Indeed, research has shown that it’s best for children if their parents are fulfilled in their own lives).

    drug of choice

    The way to “recovery”


    People who recover from addiction to actual drugs, don’t just go cold turkey and leave it at that. The physical addiction is never the main problem, and so addicts use therapy and self-help groups in order to address what made them turn to drugs in the first place. Many struggle with past trauma and an inability to process or even express their emotions. Healing and learning these things lessens the urge to numb the pain.

    Similarly, you can overcome your “addiction” to your own drug of choice by filling that emptiness inside you (the one you don’t even realise is there most of the time, because you’re filling it with so much other stuff) with what it’s supposed to contain: Passion, joy, love.

    You could argue that passions are just another drug, and there is a danger of using them that way. It’s why my coaching programs don’t just focus on passions and purpose, but on all areas of life, such as money, self care, boundaries, work issues, health and whatever else is important or needs attention in a client’s life.

    It all works together, but when it does, what’s missing is often the overflowing joy of passion. That’s what fulfills humans. Passion and the knowledge of a clear purpose is what makes us get up in the morning with joyful anticipation, with a tingling happiness. It lights us up from the inside and fulfills us with the thing we were put on this planet to feel: Joy and love.

    Prioritising passion(s) is anything but superficial and hedonistic. It’s the most profound change you can possibly make, and it will lead to lasting happiness and fulfillment, independently of what else happens in your life.

    Once you’ve discovered that, Black Friday will leave you cold.