How To Stop Sabotaging Yourself


 

Abstract:
 

Most of us have been there: We’d really love do something, and then never “get around to it”. It took me years to finally give up my soulless job and move to the West of Ireland. Some people say they’ll go travelling, or move to the countryside. Or they swear they’ll make their passion a priority.
 

The real reason why we’re not doing these things doesn’t come from the outside, it’s in the way we think. Your mission today is to recognise your unhelpful patterns of thinking and turn them around so you stop sabotaging yourself.
 
 

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Task 1: Break the habit

 

You’ve heard of “you are what you think”, and that’s true, but what you are comes largely from what you do, how you act. And that’s what’s directly influenced by your thinking.
 

Here are a few examples of thought habits:

  • Thought: Rich/successful people are just lucky. Truth: Some are, but a lot of people create their own success.
  • Thought: The circumstances aren’t right (yet). Truth: They’ll never be right, so stop waiting. People have achieved great things in the most unfavourable circumstances.
  • Thought: I’m not educated/qualified/skilled enough to do this. Truth: By thinking like this, you’re sabotaging yourself. You learn by doing, and can study along the way. Start before you’re ready.

 

sabotaging yourself
 

Task 2: Get unstuck

 

It’s important first to recognise that your thinking is what’s keeping you stuck. This is important because you’re essentially giving your power away. Now that you’ve realised this, it’s time to take it back.

  • Decide that you’ll do that thing you’ve been meaning to, right now, today. No more postponing.
  • Take the first step. You guessed it, you don’t get to postpone that either. Do it today.
  • Enlist help and support (such as a course or Coaching), but don’t postpone the first two points until after you’ve done this. Make the decision, take the first step, and then learn as you go.

Do It For The Love Of It


 

Abstract:
 

Earlier this year, I started learning Croatian and people couldn’t understand. Was I going out with someone from Croatia? Doing business there?
 

None of these applied. I just did it for the sheer, wild joy of learning and my love of languages. People didn’t get it because these aren’t proper “reasons” in their minds.
 

The funny thing is that I’m now moving to Croatia, but that’s not what I was planning all those months ago when I decided to sign up for the language course.
 

Your mission today is to recognise our programming, and find something to do for the sake of joy.
 
 

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Task 1: Spot the phony beliefs

 

Remember: Beliefs are things we think are true, when actually they’re just a belief. They’re hard to spot, especially when it’s a belief that’s shared by most of society.
 

This one is practically universal, and it basically says that a “good” reason must be practical and tangible in some way. Joy isn’t taken seriously.
 

Why is this relevant? Because we all have this belief ingrained in us subconsciously, and it’s sabotaging our ability to prioritise what lights us up.
 

For The Love Of It

Photo by Frank Busch on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: Do it for the love of it

 

When I say to prioritise passions, it’s easy to get people to agree with the concept. What they don’t get is what priority actually means.
 

Lots of people are good at doing what lights them up. Making more time for your passion is great, kudos to you. But the reason they need my support is that to actually dare prioritise the thing that gives you joy, is an act of rebellion. It exposes you to all sorts of judgment.
 

Professional artists, musicians etc are often not taken seriously. But if your passion is “only” your hobby – well, don’t you dare prioritise it. Work and income are the gods we worship!
 

Your task is to find something to do just for the love of it. If you do make money with your passion, find something else to also give priority to, to reinforce the new belief that joy is indeed worth the effort.

When Not To Use Positive Thinking


 

Abstract:
 

What? After all, you’ve heard me say numerous times that a focus on the positive makes for a happier, more productive life.
 

I still stand by this. But I’d like to once again fight the mistaken belief that in order to be successful or achieve anything, you have to be relentlessly positive. Apart from the fact that it’s impossible, it’s also not healthy or conducive to happiness.
 

Your mission is to learn where and how to use positive thinking.
 
 

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Task 1: Learn when not to use positive thinking

 

Here are two examples of situations where trying to force positivity does more harm than good.
 

  1. Calamities. Someone you love has died. An earthquake has destroyed your home. When life throws shit at you, don’t “keep smiling”. Suppressing emotions is damaging for your psychological health, so allow your feelings. All of them. Get help if needed.
  2. Mental illness. You can’t use positive thinking to overcome depression. Depression is not just a bad mood you need to “get over”, and neither are other mental illnesses or remnants of trauma. Give yourself the time and space to heal, and again, get the help you need.

 

positive thinking

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Task 2: Develop a positive attitude

 

The realm of positive thinking is in your everyday life, and around everyday challenges. It takes time to develop an attitude that’ll have you habitually look on the bright side, but it’s not something you’re either born with or not – you can learn this. Here are three ways to get started.
 

  1. Gratitude: Every day, take a few minutes to feel gratitude.
  2. Mind the gap: Use the famous gap between what happens and your reaction (I’ve found it! It was Viktor Frankl), to consciously choose a positive approach.
  3. 3. The big picture: A situation might seem overwhelming now, but think how you’ll see it a year from now.

 

Habits take time to form. Stay committed, and your life and happiness will transform.

Who Owns You Really?


 

Abstract:
 

This might sound crazy. After all, if you’re watching this video, you’re almost certainly not a slave physically owned by anyone else!
 

I’m not talking about actual slavery, but entirely different, subtle forms of ownership. In our day and age, this usually happens through money.
 

Your mission today is to become aware of who owns you, and then minimise the outside influence.
 
 

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Task 1: Become clear on who owns you

 

Of course we are no longer physically owned by someone who can literally buy and sell us, harm and even kill us. And yet there are people and organisations that have a claim on parts of your life.
 

If you’re employed, large parts of your time belong to your employer. If you pay off a mortgage or buy anything in installments, you have effectively given away power.
 

This isn’t always a bad thing, but it’s something you need to be aware of. Create a list of everything you’re paying off or owe.
 

who owns you

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Task 2: Take back ownership

 

A bank can take fairly drastic measures against you if you default on loan payments or a mortgage. Here are some steps you can take to gain back control.
 

Check the list from Task 1 so you’re fully aware of who owns you – or part of you and your time.
 

  • Separate the wheat from the chaff: For example, if you have a small child, they have a claim on you but that’s not ownership, it’s a natural and temporary duty of care.
  • Follow the money: Some forms of lending are good (mortgages can make a lot of sense, depending on the circumstances). But if you live in your overdraft or have loans for items, you need to re-assess.
  • Get smart about your money: read books, take coaching, go to a financial advisor. Create a plan on how to take back control bit by bit. It won’t happen overnight, so you need long-term support.

Too Uncomfortable To Leave Your Comfort Zone?


 

Abstract:
 

Some weeks ago, I argued that it depends on your circumstances whether you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, or actually get comfortable in the first place.
 

I’d like to go a little deeper on that last part. I think it’s a widespread phenomenon that we’re just too busy, overwhelmed, or stressed to even consider doing something daring – such as, you know, prioritising a passion!
 

Your mission today is to create a comfort zone you’ll be able to leave.
 
 

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Task 1: What makes you uncomfortable?

 

Here’s a list of things that might make you uncomfortable; simply take what applies to you and disregard the rest.
 

1. Sleep
This is the most overlooked bit. Sleep requirements vary from person to person; anything from 5 to 9 hours is normal. Find yours and stick to it (there can be fairly dire consequences if you neglect this in the long run).
 

2. Overwhelm
Are you always bogged down by things you need to do and/or places you need to be, chores and meet-ups? By the way, what constitutes “too much” is entirely up to you. If you need a lot of recharging time, prune your obligations.
 

3. Unresolved issues
You might be uncomfortable because you carry trauma you never addressed, or deal with a physical illness and never go to the doctor. It’s time to give your mind, soul, and body the attention they deserve.
 

4. Lack of BEing
You’re not a human doing. Try to spend 15 minutes a day doing nothing. I’ve issued this challenge before, and I’m repeating it: try it for a week and see what it does!
 

uncomfortable

Photo by Paige Cody on unsplash.com


 

Task 2: Get uncomfortable in the right ways

 

Really, the first task falls under basic self care. You’d make the effort for loved ones without blinking an eyelid; aren’t you worth the same dedication?
 

Now you can look to leave the mental or emotional comfort zone by doing new things or shifting your focus to prioritising your passion(s). This is where you get Coaching, join a women’s group, or reach out to a teacher or mentor. You’ll find yourself and your priorities through interacting with others.