• Are Your Dreams Really Your Own?



    A major value in our modern society is individualism. Almost everyone will proudly proclaim that they’re their own person, free and independent of other people’s opinions.

    This narrative is so central to our culture that it’s hard for us to recognise and acknowledge to what extent we really are influenced by others. Your mission today is to find out what your dreams are like without anybody else’s influence.

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    Task 1: Examine your dreams


    To do this, you must first of all come to terms with the fact that yes, you are a product of the society you grew up in. Realise this isn’t a bad thing; humans need other humans to survive and thrive.

    Acknowledge this and realise which part of your dreams and goals may be influenced by society. This is not to eliminate them! It’s simply important to have clarity about the origins of what you wish for.

    Some examples of society’s norms and the goals based on them are:

    • Loving one’s family above everything else.
    • Finding your passion and making it your living.
    • Getting married and having kids.
    • Advancing in your job.
    • Material possessions such as a house, car etc.

    your dreams
    Picture by Greg Rakozy on unsplash.com


    Task 2: Navigate the unfamiliar


    Again, wanting these things isn’t a bad thing, nor does it make you uncool. To a certain extent, it’s part of being human. We’re social beings and much as our upbringing contradicts it, we do depend on the group to survive.

    Rather, once you realise you really do want something, it becomes unimportant whether anyone else wants it or not. You become sure of yourself. You feel calm, centered, purposeful.

    Finding your true dreams can feel very unfamiliar at first, so be patient with yourself! Here are a few questions you might ask to identify them:

    • If money was no object and everyone I love was perfectly taken care of, what would I do every day?
    • Where would I live?
    • Who would I live with, if anyone?
    • What passion(s) would I pursue?
    • How would I contribute to society?

    The answers give you clues on what truly meaningful goals might look like for you.

  • Do You Live Your Life Or Is It Happening To You?



    Humans are notoriously bad at creating happiness. Most think happiness comes from success or from security and material possessions. However, studies show that that’s not the case.

    In fact, it seems that the happiest people are those who feel in control of their lives and the unhappiest feel they need to cope with what happens to them. Your mission is to find out to what extent you have control and how to increase the control you have.

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    Task 1: To what extent do you live your life?


    Gurus love talking about “creating” your life so much, the phrase has become meaningless. I suggest to think of it as living actively, rather than reacting passively. Here are some indicators of how actively you participate in your life experience.

    • When was the last time you made a decision that scared you?
    • When was the last time you said “No” to someone?
    • How often in the last five years have you set a goal that took longer than a year to accomplish, and then actually achieved it?
    • When was the last time you did something fun/beneficial/meaningful you had never done before?


    live your life
    Photo by Caique Silva on unsplash.com


    Task 2: Shift to control


    You often hear me quoting Stephen Covey, who pointed out that we should focus on what we have control over: our own lives, our own reactions, our decisions. He, too, said that people who do this tend to be happier than those who focus on things outside their control.

    How can you take back more control? Here are a few things you can do today to live your life actively.

    • Set beautiful, wild, exciting, over-the-top goals. Start working on them today.
    • Get a Coach. Seriously.
    • Connect to your emotions; check in several times a day and take them seriously.
    • Choose three things or people currently in your life to say “no” to.
    • Do or plan doing something new today.
  • But I Can’t Afford The Life Of My Dreams!



    90% of the people I talk to, react in a similar way: When I ask them what their dreams are, they will name something that isn’t all that far beyond their current life. If I press them to go completely overboard, they’ll respond with: “But I could never afford to live like that.”

    What they don’t understand is that the point of goals is not to know how you’ll achieve them. In fact, Bob Proctor said: “If you know what to do to reach your goal, it’s not a big enough goal.”

    Your mission is to do what Neo needed to do in the Matrix: “Free your mind”.

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    Task 1: Reason is overrated


    There is a place for reason. A goal isn’t worthless just because you know how to reach it, and yet, I agree that at least some of your goals or dreams should be far outside of what you think possible.

    Examine what keeps you from dreaming big. Do you feel a little silly? But imagination is limitless, and so is creativity. Do you think it’s impossible? Fact is, lots of people have achieved things far beyond what they thought they could. The evidence is plenty.

    Thinking creatively, going beyond, even into the realm of silliness, is a skill you can learn. Set yourself a reminder once a week for “dream time”.

    my dreams
    Photo by silviarita on pixabay.com


    Task 2: Program your mind for your dreams


    This is an ongoing task and will take some time. Basically, you need to brainwash yourself. Here are a few steps for you to take:

    1. Read something positive every day. Include books on finances (try Amanda Steinberg or Jen Sincero). Make time for it.
    2. Follow blogs, podcasts, YouTube channels by personal development experts. You could start with my newsletter and videos!
    3. Surround yourself by positive people. Know anyone who’s into this stuff? Seek them out and spend more time with them.
  • What Your Life Could Look Like

    dream life

    I’ve always had big dreams. When I was a teenager in Germany, I dreamed of visiting Ireland. As a university student, I spent two years in Ireland and later moved here altogether. From childhood on, I knew I wanted to see other countries, and during my 20s and 30s, I lived and worked in four different countries.

    When I discovered Coaching and experienced the fastest and most profound personal growth in my life with the help of my first-ever Coach, I knew I’d found my calling. Years later, I became a Coach myself, eventually studying for and gaining a recognised qualification in Personal and Executive Coaching. Then I dreamed of having more time and space for Coaching and my other passions and made that happen in 2015.

    Now my dreams include growing my business and living a more sustainable life surrounded by people I love. I’m working on it, and I’d say that judging by my track record, I’ll achieve this one, too. It’s a wonderful feeling dreaming up one’s perfect life and then going for it. Nothing quite compares to it!

    What does this mean for you? I’m going to attempt to paint you a picture and help you give shape to your own dreams, so you’ll be able to look at your life a few years from now and say: “That was when I first dreamt about xyz, and now I’ve achieved it.”

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    There’s nothing wrong with you


    Before I continue, I’d like to make one thing absolutely clear: I believe in dreams and always having a goal, but I don’t think people are broken or that their lives aren’t perfect the way they are. Too many self-styled “Coaches” try and tell you that your life’s all wrong and needs fixing (usually, followed by an offer to fix it for you – for a substantial amount of cash, of course).

    I don’t believe in making people feel bad about themselves. Moreover, it’s my belief that everything happens in perfect timing and that we’re always exactly where we need to be in order to learn what we need to learn.

    What’s even more important is the insight that this is simply the way life works. Everything that lives, grows (a tree that’s stopped growing, simply dies). Sometimes, we’ll find ourselves in situations, jobs, or relationships we don’t like. At other times, we’re on top of the world.

    Wherever we stand at the time, it’s always a good thing have a dream in order to continue growing. It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t like where we are. On the contrary, a dream is more powerful if it isn’t created out of desparation but out of a feeling of happiness and gratitude for the present.

    A passion-centered life


    Whatever your dreams for the future are, they probably include a very happy you. In my experience, human beings are happiest when they live aligned with their purpose, and that purpose is ususally connected to their passion (or multiple passions). In order to create a dream of a happy future, I therefore suggest you paint a picture of you focusing your life on what lights you up.

    What would your days look like if they revolved around your passion? What would you do? Imagine money wasn’t an object, because believe me, it never is once someone truly puts their passion front and centre. Somehow, a solution always presents itself, even if you can’t see it just now. That’s why I suggest to not concern yourself with this particular detail.

    Instead, pretend you didn’t have to worry about money or a place to stay at all. See a perfect day in your life, fulfilling your purpose and doing what lights you up. How would you feel first thing in the morning, when you wake up and realise you have only fun things to look forward to? What would you say to your loved ones during the day? What would you think about falling asleep at night?

    Paint this picture in as much detail as possible. When I say “paint”, I don’t just mean you should imagine it like an actual picture, but to use all your senses. Hear the sounds, smell the scents, feel what you’re touching or holding. Bring the scene to life as much as you can.

    Finally, it’s time to distill the main cornerstones of your dream and put them down in writing. Out of these, you can craft your next goals and go for them. Keep doing this, because life is too short to spend it without striving for something beautiful which excites you. You’re just like that tree: for as long as you live, you’ll grow and evolve, and you might as well do this consciously, after your own planning, rather than leaving it to chance.